OLS (here's my Part Two)
Long overdue. & it isn't even to my expectations but I'm letting it go anyway.
I've worked hard. Continue to work hard. On a tough day, I look at my little note inside my book for work & remember that this ISN'T what I'm meant for & that I need to step it up. Everyone needs that extra little shove, I just wish I was as strong as those that don't need anyone else for it.
Focus. Don't lose focus. Never mind them. Never mind him.
A lot of things I've gone through, I was NOT prepared for. But that didn't mean I wasn't able to equip myself w/the proper tools & prosper.
All that time going in & out of courtrooms, looking like I'm the lawyer.... only to be reminded by the corruption that I'm the one fighting for my innocence. Doesn't matter what you look like, your behavior, nor your knowledge, when it comes to money. But I didn't lose it. I maintained faith. My hard head allowed me to keep coming back & hiring new representation until one finally believed in me & cared about my story.
Plenty of things I didn't tell you. Other things I have yet to. Hand me the benefit of your doubt; we'll be fine.
I told you I wouldn't give up on you. This was because I knew you wouldn't do that w/me. I also knew that you hadn't given up on yourself. & for that lie, I apologize. I shouldn't have said such a thing knowing I didn't know the depth of your pain. Critical points in our relationship that you created in your mind caused you to give up on me long before I caught on. I had to let you go. It was really growing tiresome. I'm damaged too! & all you could think about was yourself. What you thought. Your assumptions. Your opinions. Mine never mattered. Took me awhile to see that as well. But overall, our time was so short, we felt so much. But now you know what it is. I mean, I don't even hit you up. & when I respond to you, it's "impersonal." Guess that's the way our cookie crumbled. Two people who can care less about the other. I let go first, though. That's for sure. It really was that easy. But I think you knew that. You began to panic. Almost compared me to your past flames that burned holes through your heart. So caught on to what they've done to you that you lost sight to what you were doing to yourself. I pray for you. You think you deserve the best but aren't able to provide it. Man. We really could have had it all, smh. I did take a few things away from 'us.' I no longer "over"share. A lot of times, I'd tell you things, you wouldn't care for & though I felt them to be of importance, I just chose not to share anymore.
I could never be w/someone who was more emotional than I. Don't get me wrong, I love a man who's in tune w/his emotions & is able to express himself. Just not profusely. Been there, done that. Holding in my own tears as I watch his fall from his eyes & onto my shoulder. Control yourself, "man." Let me be the bxtch in this relationship, lol/smh, (for lack of better words).
Children. Thought I'd have many. I'm still very much digging into that scar & enjoying the blood resurface. I can have your child seeing as how you have none, but then what? You taking him away from me too? Bet you're gonna let enough time go by so that he/she doesn't recognize his own mother. See. That's it though. To have YOUR child. Let's have a child together. OUR very own.
All this back & forth is also part of my doing. I leave you alone, you leave me alone. You reach out & instead of ignoring you, I reminisce, feel good & reply.
I've worked hard. Continue to work hard. On a tough day, I look at my little note inside my book for work & remember that this ISN'T what I'm meant for & that I need to step it up. Everyone needs that extra little shove, I just wish I was as strong as those that don't need anyone else for it.
Focus. Don't lose focus. Never mind them. Never mind him.
A lot of things I've gone through, I was NOT prepared for. But that didn't mean I wasn't able to equip myself w/the proper tools & prosper.
All that time going in & out of courtrooms, looking like I'm the lawyer.... only to be reminded by the corruption that I'm the one fighting for my innocence. Doesn't matter what you look like, your behavior, nor your knowledge, when it comes to money. But I didn't lose it. I maintained faith. My hard head allowed me to keep coming back & hiring new representation until one finally believed in me & cared about my story.
Plenty of things I didn't tell you. Other things I have yet to. Hand me the benefit of your doubt; we'll be fine.
I told you I wouldn't give up on you. This was because I knew you wouldn't do that w/me. I also knew that you hadn't given up on yourself. & for that lie, I apologize. I shouldn't have said such a thing knowing I didn't know the depth of your pain. Critical points in our relationship that you created in your mind caused you to give up on me long before I caught on. I had to let you go. It was really growing tiresome. I'm damaged too! & all you could think about was yourself. What you thought. Your assumptions. Your opinions. Mine never mattered. Took me awhile to see that as well. But overall, our time was so short, we felt so much. But now you know what it is. I mean, I don't even hit you up. & when I respond to you, it's "impersonal." Guess that's the way our cookie crumbled. Two people who can care less about the other. I let go first, though. That's for sure. It really was that easy. But I think you knew that. You began to panic. Almost compared me to your past flames that burned holes through your heart. So caught on to what they've done to you that you lost sight to what you were doing to yourself. I pray for you. You think you deserve the best but aren't able to provide it. Man. We really could have had it all, smh. I did take a few things away from 'us.' I no longer "over"share. A lot of times, I'd tell you things, you wouldn't care for & though I felt them to be of importance, I just chose not to share anymore.
I could never be w/someone who was more emotional than I. Don't get me wrong, I love a man who's in tune w/his emotions & is able to express himself. Just not profusely. Been there, done that. Holding in my own tears as I watch his fall from his eyes & onto my shoulder. Control yourself, "man." Let me be the bxtch in this relationship, lol/smh, (for lack of better words).
Children. Thought I'd have many. I'm still very much digging into that scar & enjoying the blood resurface. I can have your child seeing as how you have none, but then what? You taking him away from me too? Bet you're gonna let enough time go by so that he/she doesn't recognize his own mother. See. That's it though. To have YOUR child. Let's have a child together. OUR very own.
All this back & forth is also part of my doing. I leave you alone, you leave me alone. You reach out & instead of ignoring you, I reminisce, feel good & reply.
