Introspection
It takes two(?)
As I began to learn about my behavioral patterns & learning to adapt new habits to replace old neurons, the transition on my part couldn't have come sooner. My ways of micromanaging you when all you were doing was the best you could. Remembering when the best I did was never enough for my parents. I'd raise my voice, yelling even, a volume you never deserved. & now the screams of my mother at little Jenny are so distant. Interrupting & talking over you when you gained the courage to speak with me time & time again; how I wish I could take back all those times I belittled you. Memories of being silenced by my mother, having my writings burned by my ex-husband & serving at an establishment in which I was met with nothing but assholes 24hrs a day for over a decade birthed my boldness. I went from one extreme to the next. Always struggled to find the balance. Being logical & managing suppressed emotions.
If only I would have taken care of myself sooner.
If only I would have treated you better.
As I began to learn about my behavioral patterns & learning to adapt new habits to replace old neurons, the transition on my part couldn't have come sooner. My ways of micromanaging you when all you were doing was the best you could. Remembering when the best I did was never enough for my parents. I'd raise my voice, yelling even, a volume you never deserved. & now the screams of my mother at little Jenny are so distant. Interrupting & talking over you when you gained the courage to speak with me time & time again; how I wish I could take back all those times I belittled you. Memories of being silenced by my mother, having my writings burned by my ex-husband & serving at an establishment in which I was met with nothing but assholes 24hrs a day for over a decade birthed my boldness. I went from one extreme to the next. Always struggled to find the balance. Being logical & managing suppressed emotions.
If only I would have taken care of myself sooner.
If only I would have treated you better.
I wonder if that would have saved the magic we once made, effortlessly.
If only.
