Most Intimate Ways
I can't explain nor do I know why I have always felt more comfortable around black people. From a very young age, my friends have been black nine out of 10 times. I've stayed the night with these friends & felt so much love from their parents. More love than my own expressed even. During my teenage years was when I knew that there was even a difference. That color existed. That it mattered to many. With the consistent riots of blacks versus mexicans in & outside of my highschool, I refused to wild out with either nationality. I had hella black friends asking me, if I would "participate" & "WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?" I would always chuckle & say, "Man, I'm goin' home, see ya tomorrow," 'cause I just KNEW I would see them again & hang out. It was pointless to me, the fights.
After I found out I was pregnant, my mental was determined to expand my knowledge of a black person's culture as well as the economy & psychology of their background. My early twenties consisted of my mexican family turning their back on me when I refused to follow their advice of raising my mixed son as only mexican. How can I, as a mexican american WOMAN know ANYthing about what a black person goes through in this country? Why should I care? How could I possibly empathize with another that has gone through very different consequences than I have, if any, growing up in this country run by white supremacy?
As little/much I know about the struggles of growing up black in america, many frown upon my willingness to spend quality time with them. They see the differences & rather not unite. I've felt love just as much as being ridiculed for falling in love with black men. But that didn't come from black people. It came from my own family of mexicans. Therefore distancing myself from those I thought were unbiased & continuing to gravitate towards others that would embrace me lovingly, became more natural for me over the years.
I see the obvious differences between black people & I; that doesn't make me take a step back & question them. It makes me look at what I know & realize that I have so much more to learn in regards to other people & their ways of life.
That's why I feel it so very important for one to travel as often as they possibly can. & to be confident in speaking to others. About anything. Different mindsets are such a blessing to consume, even if you don't agree with their mental. Because it lets you know what else is out there. I respect others' differences & am sincerely curious to know more about them.
I get how for many women that aren't black, desiring a black man is purely aesthetic. But me? It's more than that with me. I tend to appreciate them for their bravery & strength to make it on the daily. I know they don't even look at it that way because all they're doing is what everyone else that isn't black are doing. But you've gotta be volunteering to be ignorant if you think that society doesn't view them as more menacing than any other shade, presently. In 2015. Still.
I know that I would be able to relate more with a black man if I were a black woman but my genuine desire to build with (my) one & strongly set an incredible example of combining different cultures to flourish will remain intact. At the end of it all, there is no judgement from me. Only Love.
He knows; My Black King.