Moneta

'you did not break me
     i'm still fighting for peace'

She praises herself for being able to save others but still unable to save herself. Everything is not okay. She knows exactly what to show for the rest to not question her or her lifestyle. Thoughts of not making it. Thoughts of disappearing. Thoughts of despair. She sits alone crying tears no one is aware of. & why should they? They're over her. They don't even think about her when she needs them the most. Tired. She's so damn tired. Tired of not seeing the light. She's got her eyes wide open. She must see the blessings in her struggle(s). She's fucking blind. Searching for the one day she doesn't feel pain anymore. Surviving 'til the death. Just a little longer. A little longer. She can't go yet. Not yet. Gotta take care of 'em. Still. Taking care of the people who can't take care of her. What a life. Where the fuck does this strength come from? Why is it nowhere to be found when I'm feeling like this? Like I don't deserve to be here! When will these thoughts leave me, once & for all??? When will I stop crying?? When will I be proud of myself? Doesn't fuckin' matter. In ten minutes I'll be fine again. I'll see myself off before you see me fall apart. What kind of a fucking gift is the one where I can make another feel like a goddamn King while simultaneously unable to rid self of feeling like a worthless seed?
Your Fucking God Could Never Save Me. Some god.

'& i want it, i want my life so bad

i'm doing everything i can'