Striving.

He said,

"the tide always changes.

believe again because love turns us into gods.

be a god jenn."

I often wonder when did I lose it? Which life was it where I took the wrong turn?

Where I just kept digging instead of just looking up, climbing out that hole & starting anew..

I've been praising Experience & "living life" longer than this blog itself. & tonight, I was reminded how vulnerable I still am. How deep down inside, I would love to be in love. I would love to be with one person that cherishes me just as much if not more than I treasure him. That desire is still there. & I didn't think I had it anymore. I'm not comfortable accepting this.

In my mind, I want to believe. In my heart, I forgot. Forgot what it's like to look into someone's eyes & allow that alignment to speak for itself. Forgot to be in love with someone as I admire them silently & have them be oblivious to it. Am I just supposed to continue experiencing until someone's mark weighs heavier than the rest? What if for the rest of this life, that's all I'm meant to do? To experience but never get another chance to hold on, let alone be held. Forever. What a concept.

Suddenly, Experience isn't as fulfilling anymore.  Suddenly, the idea of just one person having my everything seems.... doable.

If only, I was strong enough.