Once I Had A Woman by Jimi Hendrix

You know, I was sitting here.. Just wondering about anything & everything that's currently going on in my life. As well as every thing that I have told others that doesn't match with the truth. I couldn't remember the last time I was just allowing my thoughts to keep me awake. Especially on a night before work in the morning. Even work lately hasn't mattered. I don't know where the fuck I am. This isn't my territory. Not with all this time invested anyway. It's unfamiliar. I'm not even feeling like I'll conquer it either. Not that anyway. Well, actually yea. I don't know. This doesn't even make sense anymore. Where was I? Ah yes. So I'm sitting here wondering.. & I think, damn, who do I turn to? Who do I confide in? The truth. The grime. The shameless activities. Then I remembered this blog. I remembered how often I would come here & just release. I tell ya, I've been unable to do such. Perhaps because I know the people whom I have cared for in the past the most, will read it. Just to see how I'm doing. & they don't deserve to know. Then again, who am I to determine they are of different molecules than I am. They only disgust me because they reflect the parts of myself I have yet to change. That's another thing I haven't figured out. Why am I the way that I am. Why am I still so goddamn weak. & here come the tears. As expected. Pathetic. I'm so tired of it all. But then I'll wake up in the morning & feel silly for feeling this way the night before. I'll be confident again & know that little by little, I'm getting what I'm creating. I really gotta enjoy this process. Thoroughly. & finally stop being so hard on myself. Fuck. When did I grow up? I fail to remember when I grew up.