Love to you.

Getting high & I find myself thinking of you. Why? Why am I thinking of you? Is it because at that moment, you actually, quite possibly, were thinking of me too? Jesus Christ, these words make me sick. You have always elevated me with your touch. No one else really has been capable, you know? I mean. What do I mean? You touch me. I understand the physical in that. But with you, it's never FELT that way. I've always been attracted to you, your look(s). But when you open your mouth & I hear the sweet words that have nothing to do with me but with you. See, you're a very selfish man. But a man, nonetheless. You talk about yourself & though I am understanding that you don't wish to relate to anyone else, because you have dedicated the last few years to be different, I hear you & realize you are not different. & yet you are. To this day, I have found no one as captivating as you. No one as powerful yet reckless. We take each other higher than we've ever been & yet after we let go of one another, neither one of us is as fulfilling to one another as we have thought many countless times before. I suppose that's where the respect survives. That even when we fuck up on our own, we can come together, fuck each other (up), & part ways knowing that we will genuinely try to do better. & perhaps something different to one another for once. For you it would be a selfless project you're working on. & for me it would be an adventure designed specifically for me & anything I wanted to do. Isn't that how it goes? Your selfish self trying to tell me to go out & just do what I want. Fuck the world. Just be. In every aspect we create for ourselves. For you make sense upon my senses because I feel them all, not just you. I feel the people. I have been blessed & fortunately cursed. You've told me in private, things that you wouldn't even volunteer to share to your fans & most importantly all of the haters, especially the ones that you have created. Why would you let them into the most selfless part of you? & for that, I thank you. Thank you for holding me in an important place in your essence that most couldn't understand. Not even me.

-Torn between my vices & who I want to be.