Zealot

It's the anger. It's the hurt. It's the pain. It's all these things that have affected the way I have been blessed to express love. My daily, ungodly reminders of this form I am currently in, have been mind-fucking me worse than the last sexual encounter I was unfortunate enough to experience. I can't even type w/both my hands, comfortably, man. Fuck. At least, I can still write on paper though, right? Wrong. Again, it's the anger. It's the hurt. It's the pain. It's all these things that have affected the inspiration that used to come through w/such precision.

I find myself in a relationship I never thought I'd be in especially after this last year I experienced. & the ascension I have experienced. How, Jenn? How could you let this happen to you, again? Shit man. Even when things were good, I was battling internally. Now look at me, look at me, & look at me. *Aubrey voice*

I find myself being comforted by the memories of being lonely when I was single. Because those moments were surprisingly, very rare. VERY. & now that I'm in a relationship, I'm lonelier as each day goes on. After what I've been through & most importantly, everything that I have been giving, this is what I am presented w/. It is unfair. This isn't love.

So I keep searching after I rise from beating myself up about all of my dreadful mistakes.