Unfinished Pleasure
My heart begins to beat harder & I'm not understanding why. I decided my future but my heart still gets in the way of things. I find myself thinking of him & wanting his company. Wanting his conversation & his input. He comforts me better than anyone that's cared enough to try. I just want him. Back. He excites me. In the "I can't wait to see him! Eeeeeek!" kinda way. But I'm quiet, he has no idea. I try to turn away every time I smile from ear to ear because I have no logical explanation as to why the sight of him makes me soar. He hasn't said anything funny, in fact he hasn't said anything at all. But here I am: joyful & worry-free. I'm the one doing the talking but it isn't an expression of how I feel for him. I'm just not sure. So I talk. About the most random things that come to mind. I've done better though. My stories have a point now. Right? Yeah. Now there's just no point in me telling these tales. 'Cause what I really want to say might not be accepted. So I hold it in. Again, & again. Maybe it just isn't meant to be. I try to convince myself many times, he isn't the way. But if I'm constantly reminding myself not to, why does his smile keep reminding me to just love? Why do his eyes remind me of the light I can be? Possible I can disregard the flaws & love him entirely? Like he always wanted me to? I just don't know. I should at least have this together if I have nothing else in order. I sigh. Then again, I find myself in his presence.
I want him. & not in the freaky deeky way, you freaks. I just want him. To be mine. I want to hold hands & smile. Show off our happiness to those that have been watching & those that just can't see. When it's good, it's so radiant. Almost unbelievable but the honesty between us, lets me know how real it actually is. So then we say, "See you later," as if into his arms I don't want to depart to & remain. & the missing begins. He's mine & he doesn't even know it. Hell, he's mine & I don't even know it. How do I go about this? Continuing this roundabout of insignificant exchanges knowing I deserve more & more importantly, so does he. I find myself thinking of no one else that's tried to fill that spot. Only him. He's all I see. He's all I feel (for).
I wake. Happy I get to see him again. Oh goody. What am I going to wear? It's going to rain? Well, THAT isn't going to work. The usual then. Jeans & a shirt. I look at myself in the mirror & I wonder if he'll like it. Then I think, Did I wear this already??? I panic. I'm not sure. So I change to make sure. I'm nervous. Another quick glance. My reflection flicks me off & tells me to get the fuck out of here. Fast forward & I'm there. & he's walking towards me. & thump thump, thump thump, I hear my heart. I tell it to shutup, how rude! He comes in & I shut down. I want to express how much I've missed him & how much I've been looking forward to tonight. But instead I discuss how I woke up w/a sore throat & other shit that doesn't matter since I forgot what else I wasted time w/. A few exchanges of silence aka my face turning away from him because I just, sheesh! I'm just so happy. He's so cute. Hot thang. Lovin' his 'fit. Trying not to stare. Gotta focus on the road. Sense of direction is gone. All senses are on vacation. I just want to be. w/you. Don't care where we go. See how stupid my heart is? Gawrsh.
Ever wonder why every time I see you, I don't know where the fuck I'm going?
Music begins to play & I realize I'm not even dancing. Me. The one who loves to fucking do it. You got me (all UP under yo damn spell, boy). I'm nervous to dance. I'm thinking I want to dance w/you. & I can easily just go for it. But no. Stop. Just chill. Enjoy the show. But I want to make MY own show. Featuring you. Geez, Jenn, will you fucking calm down? This soulful bitch is singing Nickelback's This Is How You Remind Me. At this point, I forget about him. Yup, just like that. & I'm just singing. Then the light catches him just right & I take another sip of my cider aka catching my drool at the same damn time. I step back & admire the glory that is him. So attracted to him. I just want to jump on him. Love him all over. Giggle & laugh w/him. Really, nothing wrong across our minds when we lock eyes & show our awesome smiles. NOTHING CAN STOP US. Then the Gwen Stefani lookalike starts paying tribute to Puddle Of Mudd [which amidst my excitement thought it was Staind (def would've fainted if she did one of their songs)]. Again, I forget about him & start SANGIN' along. CAN YOU TAKE IT ALL AWAAAYYYY, CAN YOU TAKE IT ALL AWAAAYYYYYY, WELL YOU SHOVED IT IN MY FAAAACE. THIS PAIN YOU GAVE TO MEEEEEEEEEHHHHH. Epic performance by that white.
Then here he goes w/his fineness. Goodness. So fly. He's so.... him. UGH! Love it. We decide to take a seat. & I just want to be his girl. Can we just be in love (for the night)? Jenn, stay quiet. Relax. Keep sippin'. Timing is everything. Hard to believe in that when I'm a hardcore believer in time is what you make of it. I wasn't going to say anything but it felt like if I was going to say something, he would have something to say. & at this point, I'm so googly eyed that I'll listen to anything this man has to say. I'm in a trance. I wanna caress his face. Touch his cheek. Kiss him. Everywhere.
Whom we've come to see, takes their positions. & I think, I THINK, I almost said something but then he suggested we go stand again. So there we go. He takes my hand & I stroll happily to be held by him. He looks back at me & smiles. I melt. Then realize none of this is happening. Quite boring, the reality. But magical in here. *points to heart*
Baby Streisand starts to sing & I want his hands on my waist moving along to how I'm groovin'. Does it happen? Of course not. But did I imagine it? God, yes. So I kept swayin'. Gently. Didn't want him looking at me!!!!!! I was being shy. Bleh.
Oh, Jenn, won't you Stay.
I want him. & not in the freaky deeky way, you freaks. I just want him. To be mine. I want to hold hands & smile. Show off our happiness to those that have been watching & those that just can't see. When it's good, it's so radiant. Almost unbelievable but the honesty between us, lets me know how real it actually is. So then we say, "See you later," as if into his arms I don't want to depart to & remain. & the missing begins. He's mine & he doesn't even know it. Hell, he's mine & I don't even know it. How do I go about this? Continuing this roundabout of insignificant exchanges knowing I deserve more & more importantly, so does he. I find myself thinking of no one else that's tried to fill that spot. Only him. He's all I see. He's all I feel (for).
I wake. Happy I get to see him again. Oh goody. What am I going to wear? It's going to rain? Well, THAT isn't going to work. The usual then. Jeans & a shirt. I look at myself in the mirror & I wonder if he'll like it. Then I think, Did I wear this already??? I panic. I'm not sure. So I change to make sure. I'm nervous. Another quick glance. My reflection flicks me off & tells me to get the fuck out of here. Fast forward & I'm there. & he's walking towards me. & thump thump, thump thump, I hear my heart. I tell it to shutup, how rude! He comes in & I shut down. I want to express how much I've missed him & how much I've been looking forward to tonight. But instead I discuss how I woke up w/a sore throat & other shit that doesn't matter since I forgot what else I wasted time w/. A few exchanges of silence aka my face turning away from him because I just, sheesh! I'm just so happy. He's so cute. Hot thang. Lovin' his 'fit. Trying not to stare. Gotta focus on the road. Sense of direction is gone. All senses are on vacation. I just want to be. w/you. Don't care where we go. See how stupid my heart is? Gawrsh.
Ever wonder why every time I see you, I don't know where the fuck I'm going?
Music begins to play & I realize I'm not even dancing. Me. The one who loves to fucking do it. You got me (all UP under yo damn spell, boy). I'm nervous to dance. I'm thinking I want to dance w/you. & I can easily just go for it. But no. Stop. Just chill. Enjoy the show. But I want to make MY own show. Featuring you. Geez, Jenn, will you fucking calm down? This soulful bitch is singing Nickelback's This Is How You Remind Me. At this point, I forget about him. Yup, just like that. & I'm just singing. Then the light catches him just right & I take another sip of my cider aka catching my drool at the same damn time. I step back & admire the glory that is him. So attracted to him. I just want to jump on him. Love him all over. Giggle & laugh w/him. Really, nothing wrong across our minds when we lock eyes & show our awesome smiles. NOTHING CAN STOP US. Then the Gwen Stefani lookalike starts paying tribute to Puddle Of Mudd [which amidst my excitement thought it was Staind (def would've fainted if she did one of their songs)]. Again, I forget about him & start SANGIN' along. CAN YOU TAKE IT ALL AWAAAYYYY, CAN YOU TAKE IT ALL AWAAAYYYYYY, WELL YOU SHOVED IT IN MY FAAAACE. THIS PAIN YOU GAVE TO MEEEEEEEEEHHHHH. Epic performance by that white.
Then here he goes w/his fineness. Goodness. So fly. He's so.... him. UGH! Love it. We decide to take a seat. & I just want to be his girl. Can we just be in love (for the night)? Jenn, stay quiet. Relax. Keep sippin'. Timing is everything. Hard to believe in that when I'm a hardcore believer in time is what you make of it. I wasn't going to say anything but it felt like if I was going to say something, he would have something to say. & at this point, I'm so googly eyed that I'll listen to anything this man has to say. I'm in a trance. I wanna caress his face. Touch his cheek. Kiss him. Everywhere.
Whom we've come to see, takes their positions. & I think, I THINK, I almost said something but then he suggested we go stand again. So there we go. He takes my hand & I stroll happily to be held by him. He looks back at me & smiles. I melt. Then realize none of this is happening. Quite boring, the reality. But magical in here. *points to heart*
Baby Streisand starts to sing & I want his hands on my waist moving along to how I'm groovin'. Does it happen? Of course not. But did I imagine it? God, yes. So I kept swayin'. Gently. Didn't want him looking at me!!!!!! I was being shy. Bleh.
Oh, Jenn, won't you Stay.
