The freestyle.

There will come a day when I no longer have anything to say. When I've given you away & I'll move forward w/o delay. I promise you that I wanted to stay but bae, like the sun-ray, I must shine on another. I'll stop answering your calls & not reply to your texts. All I wanted was the sex. Conquered. Defeated. & you thought this was your game? Well, I cheated. The victory, the victory, I thrive off the victory. Then I hear Lauryn telling me how I might win some but I just lost one. So I think. Think. Think. Who are you, to me? What were you in my mind? Where did I want you, where did I have you & where will you end up? I won't carry you w/me. Not even in my prayers. For as each day passes, I'm reminded that I am alone. & the only tone I listen to, is my own. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I tried. I tried to try. You might've been it but I put a stop to your potential. See, I'm in control. & as far as I know, you'll never be able to afford the toll. The price. To pay. For me to stay. w/you. In love. I'll create another. Realm. For my sanity to rest. For my pain to fail another test. I'm stuck. I'm stuck. & instead of keeping you, all I did was fuck. Fuck. Just my luck. Where's my heart? Hiding under this tuck. Surviving under this muck. That I tried to sedate. Once, twice, oh just again & again. But it grows. & grows. Bigger. & stronger. Until it swallows me whole. Then I'll question my own role. My own worst enemy. Staring down at me. Depleted. Spirit vanished. But there is a happy ending. For I won't take another life. The next life. So no more harm will be done. Just me. Right now. Ignoring the love & following my lead. & suffering is all I remember. All I know. All that trembles inside me, fuels me. Won't let anyone use me. The way that I use. them.