Farewell, San Diego County
Didn't realize until yesterday evening how much of a home that county was for me. I started off w/family & ended up alone. I grew bitter. I never got to know the cities the way I wanted to. I was always working. Working to make ends meet. Then I refused to get to know my surroundings. For what? I was going to leave. Start anew, here, in the San Bernardino County. It's been one week & two days since I last worked. But I know this is the move. The right one. & I'm going to make it. I always do. No matter what I must do. I'm going off track (as usual..)
I probably drove a few minutes before even noticing the ocean to the right of me. Beautiful gleaming, North Pacific. I miss(ed) the beach so much! It finally dawned on me, even though I was prepared to do it for a couple of years. I traded the beach for the mountains. Damn. Walked into my old workplace last night & really missed it there. Didn't miss the business. I just spent so much time in there. It was more of a home for me then my home (wow). One thing I left w/though? Closure. & it was pleasant. Then I met up w/my favorite coworkers & my old manager. I realized that even though I met them at work, they weren't just my coworkers.These people were my friends. They became my family! I was low-key practicing this appreciation for them while staring at the beach but never expressed it to them because at the end of our meal, there was a silent assurance that this wasn't the last time we would meet.
Family. This summer, I felt alone. 456 spent most of the summer at his grandmother's house & I was just here to work. Save enough to get our own place by the time he starts first grade. & at least five days a week, I saw the same group of people. In between rushes, we'd converse about life. Man, they are all so worthy. They each have so much to offer. No one is like the other. They're all incredible in their own ways. & I'm so grateful to have gotten to know their families whenever they'd invite me to family shindigs. I may have just shed a tear or three. Now, like a pattern, I've left them. But this time, it's not because of something negative. It's to better myself.
To be in a better place. This is what I wanted. For a very long time. My very reason of why I made the move from Los Angeles to San Diego. To get my shit together. To earn my independence. & now I'm realizing how much this county affected my growth. It made me angry for years. It made me never want to hold my tongue. It made me be cruelly honest w/those that I actually cared for. But they all stuck around &/or told me what a positive effect I had on them. They knew that my words weren't meant to cut them. I am sincere. I am genuine. & I always made sure I said what I meant. Many times, they would express how harsh my statements were, but once my reply wasn't what they wanted to hear: an apology, they dropped their defense & opened up more to me. It was a mutual respect. I know I can do better. I know I can be nicer. But I've succeeded being this way. This is not to say that I won't change. I am changing! I will be better. I've been working on it. Never put a stop to it. I'm not satisfied.
I caught myself just watching myfriends family's exuberance over dinner. & really enjoying them.
Their sense of humor, their smiles, their stories. Ahh, I miss(ed) them.
I may have shed a few more tears just now.
Thank you: (baby) Jaime, Kathie & Jaime (boss). You've all made a tremendous effect on me & I have added some of your great traits into my own character. Thank you for accepting me & making me feel like I mattered. Thank you for listening to my point of views/shenanigans & most of all, thank you for sharing yourselves w/me. I love you all. & I'll be seeing you.
:)
I probably drove a few minutes before even noticing the ocean to the right of me. Beautiful gleaming, North Pacific. I miss(ed) the beach so much! It finally dawned on me, even though I was prepared to do it for a couple of years. I traded the beach for the mountains. Damn. Walked into my old workplace last night & really missed it there. Didn't miss the business. I just spent so much time in there. It was more of a home for me then my home (wow). One thing I left w/though? Closure. & it was pleasant. Then I met up w/my favorite coworkers & my old manager. I realized that even though I met them at work, they weren't just my coworkers.
Family. This summer, I felt alone. 456 spent most of the summer at his grandmother's house & I was just here to work. Save enough to get our own place by the time he starts first grade. & at least five days a week, I saw the same group of people. In between rushes, we'd converse about life. Man, they are all so worthy. They each have so much to offer. No one is like the other. They're all incredible in their own ways. & I'm so grateful to have gotten to know their families whenever they'd invite me to family shindigs. I may have just shed a tear or three. Now, like a pattern, I've left them. But this time, it's not because of something negative. It's to better myself.
To be in a better place. This is what I wanted. For a very long time. My very reason of why I made the move from Los Angeles to San Diego. To get my shit together. To earn my independence. & now I'm realizing how much this county affected my growth. It made me angry for years. It made me never want to hold my tongue. It made me be cruelly honest w/those that I actually cared for. But they all stuck around &/or told me what a positive effect I had on them. They knew that my words weren't meant to cut them. I am sincere. I am genuine. & I always made sure I said what I meant. Many times, they would express how harsh my statements were, but once my reply wasn't what they wanted to hear: an apology, they dropped their defense & opened up more to me. It was a mutual respect. I know I can do better. I know I can be nicer. But I've succeeded being this way. This is not to say that I won't change. I am changing! I will be better. I've been working on it. Never put a stop to it. I'm not satisfied.
I caught myself just watching my
Their sense of humor, their smiles, their stories. Ahh, I miss(ed) them.
I may have shed a few more tears just now.
Thank you: (baby) Jaime, Kathie & Jaime (boss). You've all made a tremendous effect on me & I have added some of your great traits into my own character. Thank you for accepting me & making me feel like I mattered. Thank you for listening to my point of views/shenanigans & most of all, thank you for sharing yourselves w/me. I love you all. & I'll be seeing you.
:)
