Givers & Takers Pt. 3
So this dear friend of mine.. Made a point that in my last relationship I didn't give (in). He loved me. Good. Really good. As best as he knew how. But I let him go anyway. Now I know what you may be thinkin'. Women. Don't ever know what they want. Get that jazz out of here. It wasn't that. I just never wanted to be in relationship in the first place. & he convinced me that his patience would get me to accept him & all that he has to offer. I loved him. The idea of him. But not him, specifically. I loved having someone around. Someone I can trust. I just didn't trust him wholeheartedly. There's too much pain that I need to release & I honestly feel no point in doing so now. I know I need to but there's a side of me that's sayin, "Man up, yo. It happened. You moved forward, let go." So I don't even discuss it anymore. Even though that other side of me tells me, "WILL YOU JUST OPEN UP ALREADY?" while shaking me.
Ehh. I'm good.
Anywho. I was telling her that I AM A GIVER! lol. It's just.... So she said, you were a giver.
Could it be. Could she be right. My past experiences making me think that I still hold that title? That I've allowed the pain from these same experiences consume the best of me to the extent that I no longer provide & instead take all that "he" has to offer? Without giving back (anything) in return? Perhaps.
But NO. That's not who I am. That is not who I am. I know what I'm capable of. To those I decided were worthy, I gave much of myself. & even long after I've moved on, they continue hanging on.
For now, I'm perfecting my relationship w/myself. I'm challenging myself, at times bringing myself down & then building myself up (no military).
Ehh. I'm good.
But I'm not.
Anywho. I was telling her that I AM A GIVER! lol. It's just.... So she said, you were a giver.
Could it be. Could she be right. My past experiences making me think that I still hold that title? That I've allowed the pain from these same experiences consume the best of me to the extent that I no longer provide & instead take all that "he" has to offer? Without giving back (anything) in return? Perhaps.
But NO. That's not who I am. That is not who I am. I know what I'm capable of. To those I decided were worthy, I gave much of myself. & even long after I've moved on, they continue hanging on.
For now, I'm perfecting my relationship w/myself. I'm challenging myself, at times bringing myself down & then building myself up (no military).
