Next step to:

Take someone like me, there are days I feel overly confident as if I'm absolutely the biggest catch any man could have. Then I embrace the other days where I acknowledge the reality of it all & I know I need to step it up & do better. I speak of ambition & help many people become motivated while I remain in the same place. Unable to motivate myself. & of course, I don't ask for help & others don't reach out so, I just get older. Maybe I won't ever see my dreams become a reality. To be honest I've given up really. Now I'm just searching for the more logical choice. One that's actually going to teach me a few things & make my time more worthwhile.

If I'm feeling really good, I will do amazing things. Or I will choose not to do one thing & just marinate in that feeling. If I don't feel worthy, (depending on how depressed I am) I'll either give up & disappear from the world (until I regoup) or I just won't feel a thing & work my ass off until I wake up by seeing the rewards that have been born due to my diligence.

Point is, the Emotion chip was firmly installed in the woman & for men, it isn't the primary focus. I haven't studied anything from any institution, I'm basing this purely on experience. Even the most strong willed independent woman acts the way she does due to her emotion. Not always. But there was something that she went through that triggered that beast to enlighten her & give her that push.

I have that chip installed in the wrong place. My mind's always racing & music will always put me at ease. It keeps me sane. Now I've heard people say the same thing or they tell me how much music has influenced them but once we converse, I am able to see how transparent they truly are.

My mind, it plays tricks on me. Every time I think I will get my conscience to sign this treaty so I can get along w/others, it fails me & makes me realize it truly is my adversary. But I can't rid myself of it. It's me.