Hold My Hand

The touch was so distant. Cold. Meaningless. I wanted to feel. But couldn't. & I remember how easy it was to just BE around him. I mean, I didn't love the guy but still can't front on how comfortable I was w/him. Maybe that was the problem. The comfort level. I was no longer nervous around him. I never thought too much. Hell, half the time, my mean ass should have thought before I spoke. But this one. It's a mystery. Not sure what's to be expected of me but I suppose there's no point in not believing anymore. Yeah, I have goals not yet reached but why should I stop living & feeling desired just to accomplish them. They say w/great sacrifice comes an even greater reward. & I've given up enough. Especially of myself. Parts of me that can no longer be replenished or felt the same, if even an ounce of it came back.

My struggle is more real than I allow to be shown.