Wicked

Another night in which I can relax, enjoy myself. & just when I let go of that fear to intervene, I realize it was a mistake. Should have just stayed w/myself. What's the fucking point? Really. I'm unable to move on from my suffering & you seem to have none. You're always good. I'm not. When we're not good, it's my fault. me, Me, ME. Always me. I swear I need to do like Kathie said & rise above a mountaintop & just scream my lungs out. I feel it now. I'm holding it in. The same pain. It's like I keep peeling the scab off. Or clawing away at the same scars. Just to see what new shape it'll form once I've "healed." Tears falling down. This won't last. You said you'd open up & here you are accepting another one of these lonely nights. Refusing to reach out. Feeling misunderstood. You just won't allow it. Reminiscing on what could have been. Dwelling on things you cannot change. No change for your future. Get it together, Jenn.

All this currently being felt. Coming out of left-field considering what a blessed day I had. *sigh*

Lost.