Right Now
freedom. To be free. Many have pursued it, only to be even more disappointed. Others have acquired it w/their diligence & the success that followed thereafter. Some have the idea that death is as free as it's going to get. Enter: self-harm & in some cases: suicide.
I don't think I've ever been afraid of dying. If anything, it's the how it's going to happen that I MAY fear. As a strong believer in the emotional pain hurting more than any physical pain, I still rather die in my sleep as opposed to an agonizing, gradual death.
One thing, I thought I would never do is put my son in any harm. But like the saying goes, "There's a first time for everything." It isn't like I planned to though. But. I'm just disappointed in myself. Still am. & tonight's fireworks show REALLY affected me in a negative way.
I had thoughts of progress. Thoughts of new days, new beginnings, new goals. Moving forward. Forgetting those (things) that changed me for the worst. But w/every BOOM, a painful flashback would make its way & shatter the hope inside me.
One day. I'll rise. One day. But right now? Nah. I'm good, down here. I suppose.
I don't think I've ever been afraid of dying. If anything, it's the how it's going to happen that I MAY fear. As a strong believer in the emotional pain hurting more than any physical pain, I still rather die in my sleep as opposed to an agonizing, gradual death.
One thing, I thought I would never do is put my son in any harm. But like the saying goes, "There's a first time for everything." It isn't like I planned to though. But. I'm just disappointed in myself. Still am. & tonight's fireworks show REALLY affected me in a negative way.
I had thoughts of progress. Thoughts of new days, new beginnings, new goals. Moving forward. Forgetting those (things) that changed me for the worst. But w/every BOOM, a painful flashback would make its way & shatter the hope inside me.
One day. I'll rise. One day. But right now? Nah. I'm good, down here. I suppose.
