Just An Extension
The Analysis.
Mistakes I've made in the past have half of me looking up to that person & the other half disgusted. I'm actually fearful for what I'm becoming. Guess we'll see. I'm a happier person. More satisfied w/life. But I'm not used to this. So instead of just marinating in it, I'm looking over my shoulder (figuratively & literally) to see what's coming to take it away. Knowing me, I can't ever just accept great things w/o something negative riding along & arriving eventually. I'm working on it.
Motivation dragging. Seeing (even more) similarities w/Mother & I. Won't go down that path though. I just can't. No fucking way.
"In a house that's so peaceful, I'm trying to disrupt it.
Scream fuck it not because I have to but because I love it."
Empty house. Always JUST me here. From 3-9, the boy's awake & unless I'm laughing at his losses (I WIN ALL THE TIME.... ok I lost today but ANYWAY....) In my mind, it isn't comforting. Unless I'm one w/nature. Then & only then, is when in my mind is the most comforting place to be in. Algo de la naturaleza.....
"Dig deep and see it ain’t life it’s just me"
It's just me.
"So be warned as I’m putting on like I’m reformed
Only so y’all can accept it as being my norm
Maybe I quit working on me, maybe I given up
Maybe I been lying to myself maybe I give a fuck."
*nods/smirks* Yo I gotta hit up a shooting range soon. Now that I'm off probation, lol.
"Cherish whoever still with me though the marriage be killed in me"
Lord, do I. I pray for them. Seriously, couldn't thank them enough.
"Normally it’s just me and my lonely mind
Everyone storm is different so this forecast is only mine
Fans recognize my misery uplifted me
Shifted me to my epitome, guess the curse is a gift to me
Maybe it’s serendipity, maybe it’s weighing on me physically
Maybe I should man up and tell God not to solicit me
Been medicated, meditated
Sedated, hated
Character assassinated, all theses years I masqueraded
Hard headed, if it was on my mind I had to say it
Tongue on the devil’s pitchfork to see how disaster tasted"
Again, it's just me.
"Promised to maintain being unique but relatable
All while suffering from a disease that could do away with you"
Many stronger than I, but you'd be surprised at what I've been through. 'If you only knew...'
"Sentences meant to stifle, this is a man aching
This is the dam breaking, contraband in the making
This is panic unveiling, got potential but I never met it"
I'm never going to make it, 'cause I won't allow myself to. I just haven't grown into my dreams.
"You’ll never progress if you’ll never try
All I ask, let every word I birth never die"
I've said it before.... you're only here because I allow you to be. For the few who actually interact w/me on the daily though? They understand my growth & most importantly they respect me for it. & they got a friend in me, which speaks volumes.
"My wings spread, but when I’m at the sky
Mistakes I've made in the past have half of me looking up to that person & the other half disgusted. I'm actually fearful for what I'm becoming. Guess we'll see. I'm a happier person. More satisfied w/life. But I'm not used to this. So instead of just marinating in it, I'm looking over my shoulder (figuratively & literally) to see what's coming to take it away. Knowing me, I can't ever just accept great things w/o something negative riding along & arriving eventually. I'm working on it.
Motivation dragging. Seeing (even more) similarities w/Mother & I. Won't go down that path though. I just can't. No fucking way.
"In a house that's so peaceful, I'm trying to disrupt it.
Scream fuck it not because I have to but because I love it."
Empty house. Always JUST me here. From 3-9, the boy's awake & unless I'm laughing at his losses (I WIN ALL THE TIME.... ok I lost today but ANYWAY....) In my mind, it isn't comforting. Unless I'm one w/nature. Then & only then, is when in my mind is the most comforting place to be in. Algo de la naturaleza.....
"Dig deep and see it ain’t life it’s just me"
It's just me.
"So be warned as I’m putting on like I’m reformed
Only so y’all can accept it as being my norm
Maybe I quit working on me, maybe I given up
Maybe I been lying to myself maybe I give a fuck."
*nods/smirks* Yo I gotta hit up a shooting range soon. Now that I'm off probation, lol.
"Cherish whoever still with me though the marriage be killed in me"
Lord, do I. I pray for them. Seriously, couldn't thank them enough.
"Normally it’s just me and my lonely mind
Everyone storm is different so this forecast is only mine
Fans recognize my misery uplifted me
Shifted me to my epitome, guess the curse is a gift to me
Maybe it’s serendipity, maybe it’s weighing on me physically
Maybe I should man up and tell God not to solicit me
Been medicated, meditated
Sedated, hated
Character assassinated, all theses years I masqueraded
Hard headed, if it was on my mind I had to say it
Tongue on the devil’s pitchfork to see how disaster tasted"
Again, it's just me.
"Promised to maintain being unique but relatable
All while suffering from a disease that could do away with you"
Many stronger than I, but you'd be surprised at what I've been through. 'If you only knew...'
"Sentences meant to stifle, this is a man aching
This is the dam breaking, contraband in the making
This is panic unveiling, got potential but I never met it"
I'm never going to make it, 'cause I won't allow myself to. I just haven't grown into my dreams.
"You’ll never progress if you’ll never try
All I ask, let every word I birth never die"
I've said it before.... you're only here because I allow you to be. For the few who actually interact w/me on the daily though? They understand my growth & most importantly they respect me for it. & they got a friend in me, which speaks volumes.
"My wings spread, but when I’m at the sky
Weather didn’t change like I thought & had me petrified."
Almost stoic about my situation, but it's gradually becoming.
-a woman aching.
