Set Fire to the Rain
From '03-'08 (what felt like decades) I dealt w/a spouse that I, still to this day, consider the love of my life. I can honestly say, he had the best years of my life. It's hard to explain how I can be so sure of something like that since I'm still alive & have a 'bright future ahead of me' blah, blah. It's just one of those things (safe statement, I know). Anyway, 2008 & 2009 were probably the hardest (& longest) years of my life. They were also the years that changed me for the worst. Picking up fragments of myself & placing them together only to realize there's other parts that won't ever be found, no matter how hard I try to improve myself. An optimist can sit here & tell me those voids will be filled w/something better but no one will ever know THAT Jennifer. So they can't tell me such poppycock. Rambling along....
There's plenty of other things that I need to do in order for me to stop complaining of the blessings I do currently hold but overall, my life is good. A few years ago, I had no idea how far I was going to come. Wish I didn't do it alone or that I still wasn't alone but I managed & continue to. But to be honest, I don't like hearing the good. I want to hear about the strife. I'm more intriguing that way. I say that because I got stuck today reading myself again & the PAIN that I was going through was incredibly uplifting to hear (read, whatever). I felt as if someone else wrote those words & I was saying, "Wow, I can relate." But it was all me.
Now Love, for me, is empowering. But when those other negative feelings come into play, Love is in the middle of it all & it becomes OVERpowering. Type: forgetting it's a choice to love (I'm gradually beginning to let go of that belief). Just as high as Love can take me, it can destroy me inside. Love is good. Love is grand. But people. *sigh* Every person deserves Love. But not every one knows how to treat it. Love provides options & yet some feel trapped because of it. Not the correct mentality.
Something about Pain though. It doesn't leave you w/any options. You're just left w/it. To deal, on your own. & try to decipher what steps you need to take to your destination: Happiness.
I'll try to take this nap again, I just had to let this out before I forget. Like so many of my buried gems.
There's plenty of other things that I need to do in order for me to stop complaining of the blessings I do currently hold but overall, my life is good. A few years ago, I had no idea how far I was going to come. Wish I didn't do it alone or that I still wasn't alone but I managed & continue to. But to be honest, I don't like hearing the good. I want to hear about the strife. I'm more intriguing that way. I say that because I got stuck today reading myself again & the PAIN that I was going through was incredibly uplifting to hear (read, whatever). I felt as if someone else wrote those words & I was saying, "Wow, I can relate." But it was all me.
Now Love, for me, is empowering. But when those other negative feelings come into play, Love is in the middle of it all & it becomes OVERpowering. Type: forgetting it's a choice to love (I'm gradually beginning to let go of that belief). Just as high as Love can take me, it can destroy me inside. Love is good. Love is grand. But people. *sigh* Every person deserves Love. But not every one knows how to treat it. Love provides options & yet some feel trapped because of it. Not the correct mentality.
Something about Pain though. It doesn't leave you w/any options. You're just left w/it. To deal, on your own. & try to decipher what steps you need to take to your destination: Happiness.
I'll try to take this nap again, I just had to let this out before I forget. Like so many of my buried gems.
