Love

Too soon. Too soon to feel. Too soon to say. Too soon to act. Too soon to do. Too soon to tell. Too soon to judge. Too soon to choose. Too soon to be this absorbed in him. For the first time, Mind is still very much in these decisions & for that, I'm very much thankful. But when I use it, I think. It's too soon. Too soon. How could I feel so much? How could I be emotionally devoted? How dare I let this happen? This is a weakness. To be extraordinarily fond of such a man that I have become dependent. Yes. DEPENDENT. I've looked at the other side. I've been to the other side. As much FUN & IRREPLACEABLE those memories will continue to be, they were all merely temporary highs. & this right here, is something exceptional. & I want to build on this obsession. I do. "I do." Whoa. Many advantages to being alone. To not miss, to not care, to not have that someone constantly be in mind. Only to be disappointed. Only to put so much into it, so much effort that has yet to be seen, if ever, & have that person want to leave without ever realizing that you were the one. That you were in fact meant for that person. Better off alone. Whether involved, or alone; ultimately, the only disappointment would be yourself. I mean, obviously you'd be at fault if you were used to solitary confinement. But WITH someone? That'd be you willingly giving up parts of you for that someone. Making you vulnerable. Making you easier to destroy. Making you corruptible. & just how often do two people fall in love w/each other fearlessly? I'd say that isn't common whatsoever. Nowadays, people have gone through more bad then good, that they come up w/a how-to-guide on this cruel life, that restrain them from making the appropriate sacrifices that will lead them to a tangible happiness. (Impossible right? A type of happiness that takes shape into an actual form? Substance? But what if....) Maybe he is. Maybe she is happiness. Something worthy that will give "for better or worse" life once again. Then you welcome the obstacles. No one is perfect & this world surely is contaminated beyond replenishment. & then you subconsciously thank your experiences for making you doubt. For making you question. For allowing your mind to think anything negative toward what could possibly be your ticket to enlightenment. Enter: anger. Because you're not stupid. You're well aware of what you have gone through & no one knows you better than you know yourself. So no one can tell you SHIT. No one has gone through what you have gone through. No one will ever feel thee happiest you've ever felt. No one will ever understand all the times you involuntarily felt so helpless. When you tried w/all your might to be happy, to move forward only to be attached to pain. No one. No one will. So you become frustrated. Because again, you're not stupid. So you know this other being that you've shared your world w/is good. Means well. But how could you do it again? It may just be another failed attempt at A Love Supreme. A love that rules all, even you. But love is good. Love is good. So if owned by it, why would there be any bad to come of it? It's always those depraved from such hope that could harm you. & that would only happen if you give them permission to. Those lacking faith are blood suckers. They're out to get you. Your heart is beating. Strong for him. Your heart is beating strong for her. Dispersing that red fluid all over your body ready to arrive into the mouths of those degraded. Of those misdirected. Of those that have been demoralized & haven't been able to escape the bonds of impairment. The vigor needed to repair all the damage that has been done. Disregard that & use your growth to hold onto him. Use that enthusiasm you've been feeling for her to never let her go. Tattoo that inspiration that has grown abundantly at a rapid speed. Just be. You're not unflawed. & neither is she. But you're complete. Though not finished evolving. Get it? To take a journey w/someone that's just as strong as you to finish. & when she isn't capable, he's got enough backbone to remind you that yes, you are that tough. Join me. Who's to say, "it's too soon?" Let's get free.

Jennifer

*inspired by A Beautiful Mind.