Pop the Clutch
I have had a breakthrough. OH! How I appreciate those. For a while now, I've been quiet. Watching more, learning as opposed to interacting & asking questions. I've been reaching out to people I didn't give enough time to & let others that I ALWAYS talked to a break from me, the beast. It's been somewhat of a cleanse for me, I must say. I didn't think I'd get anything out of not talking to my hubby or my girls. Thought I'd just miss the hell out of em. I DO miss em but not as much as I thought. There's so many things that need to be worked on ME & I've been told of my achievements.
Now. As many things as I have failed as an individual, something that I am proud to say I never failed at is being a mother. To be honest, I am trying NOT to be as proud of that. But more is coming to light of how well I really am doing. It FEELS so good.
Yesterday I woke to go potty (I KNOW! I'm getting fxcking old!!!! Waking up to go potty SMFH! I be all cranky pssssssssss anyway doe *Kat Stacks voice*) & I laid back down wishing I'd just knock back out w/o having any kind of thoughts about it. Course not. So I was awake. Usually I think of my peaceful spot. But last night I tried my One. Was thinking of his smile & his laugh & his irreplaceable grasp. *sigh* He's growing so fast & as I get older, I couldn't be any more happy of the thought.
We're doing great. & yeah I have troubles. Yeah I'm in debt. Yeah I have demons of my own. But.
I refuse to let anything hold me back now. I'm so much smarter than that. & the praise that I receive because of him just reminds me of how hard I have been working & for what reason.
Can't help but think that I was on the streets, no money, no car, no license, no confidence.... Just another being. Him.
& look at me now. I'm almost ashamed to have felt sorry for myself most recently. I lived. & I learned. Workin' on the conquering part.
:•D
Now. As many things as I have failed as an individual, something that I am proud to say I never failed at is being a mother. To be honest, I am trying NOT to be as proud of that. But more is coming to light of how well I really am doing. It FEELS so good.
Yesterday I woke to go potty (I KNOW! I'm getting fxcking old!!!! Waking up to go potty SMFH! I be all cranky pssssssssss anyway doe *Kat Stacks voice*) & I laid back down wishing I'd just knock back out w/o having any kind of thoughts about it. Course not. So I was awake. Usually I think of my peaceful spot. But last night I tried my One. Was thinking of his smile & his laugh & his irreplaceable grasp. *sigh* He's growing so fast & as I get older, I couldn't be any more happy of the thought.
We're doing great. & yeah I have troubles. Yeah I'm in debt. Yeah I have demons of my own. But.
I refuse to let anything hold me back now. I'm so much smarter than that. & the praise that I receive because of him just reminds me of how hard I have been working & for what reason.
Can't help but think that I was on the streets, no money, no car, no license, no confidence.... Just another being. Him.
& look at me now. I'm almost ashamed to have felt sorry for myself most recently. I lived. & I learned. Workin' on the conquering part.
:•D
