Refusing to Hold On

So much of it in this family. Plenty of it that is just kept inside. Allowing it to grow & never to be spoken of. Little does anyone know that there are substances, environments & atmospheres out there that will cause this to explode & become incredibly overbearing for themselves or for those that have no choice but to listen to it. Tears continue to fall & for some people in this family, they are no longer tears of joy. They are tears of it. & they have become so good at hiding them, that they are hidden from the rest of us to be able to wipe away. While they smile, they cry. & they REFUSE to open up & talk about it. Instead they talk about each other. They talk about what he's doing wrong. What she's doing wrong. Then they wonder why they are judged. Why they are tormented in more ways then one.

I cannot help but to be honest.

I cannot help but to tell them to stop.

I cannot help to shake them & hoping that they would just wake up.

I cannot help but to stay away from their conversations; they consist of nothing but gossip.

That is not why I am here. It's suffering in which they wallow in. How can they not see that as much negative as they are spewing they cannot just look at their own selves? Why speak badly about your brother, about your sister, about your mother when you have so many demons you decline to face? There's only so much that I can take. There's only so much that I can say to their face about what needs to be done & to stop thinking about what you want to happen. There is no point in such foolish desires if what you want to change is an impossible revision in their eyes.

STRONG relationship w/Pain > the desire for Progress.

Story of my history.

How am I the only one willing to see the bigger picture?

How am I the only one able to let go of what is not helping me flourish?

Better to be alone & thriving than to be surrounding by walking poison that take their beating hearts for granted.

*sigh* dearest Pain,

I know you miss me, but you don't do me any good.

Sincerely,

Happy Jenn

Shouts to my hubby, Ricky Oso.