A New (old) Love

About an hour ago, I reached this mentality of.. MISSING. Missing myself, missing THAT love, missing THAT warmth. As I get older, it definitely becomes more difficult to connect w/others. & I see people all the time, going on dates. Older people. & how they let themselves go & I think,

"Damn. How can she find him attractive? Or how can he find her attractive?"

A blob or two gargantuan beasts come to mind. You can't be that fuckin' awesome that he/she is just going to forget about how you look when it's time to get down to the nitty gritty. LOL. I'm terrible, I know. But I figure.. for someone like myself who refuses to settle for less.... Will I eventually settle? ..for something less than what I fantasize about on the daily?

Eventually, I'll realize that I just can't have it all (if I haven't realized it already) no matter how much I try to convince myself (or I hear others tell me) that I do indeed deserve it all.

Then I think about.. As time continues to pass me by & I continue to stay "single" will I just become so COMFORTABLE w/doing things my way & enjoying ME time that I won't be able to share others' ways? i.e. An old, bitter, "woman."

I shiver at the thought. I can't help but think I'll end up that way

OR

I will continue to grow wiser & my appreciation for men will grow.

After all, how can I raise my young boy into an enticing gentleman if I'm not taking good care of myself.

*wink*

Time will (fucking) tell.