How are you?
Sometimes the pain's too much for you to take.
Your mind plays tricks on you
& you wonder if you've lost control of it too.
The abuse still lingers, wounds have yet to heal
& you refuse to let someone help you deal.
Are you proud? Are you ashamed? Are you fearful?
Tell me, when's the last time you felt beautiful?
Hurts, to take care of yourself. At your weakest,
You neglect those that made you the strongest.
Today, you're full of mixed emotion.
Doubt, hope, sadness & even devotion.
Today you remembered him. You remembered being there for him. You
WILLINGLY placed yourself in your own shoes 3years ago. & FELT unloved
yet full of love for him. You REMEMBERED loving him unconditionally
while you volunteered to have your strength shredded. Why? Why would you
place yourself in that predicament once again? Even if it's just in your
mind. Even if it's simply a memory. Could it be a reassurance that it
would never happen again? Or do you still wonder what if? Nah, that
can't be it. I mean, you don't even love him anymore. You can't stand
him anymore. The thought of seeing him makes you.. Makes you. Well,
sick! It's like staring at a plague. He's just there to harm you. How!
How can he be like this? You loved him. You.
You loved him.
& suddenly it becomes clear. Loved. Past tense. Don't you see? He's
aware of your current state. Your present feelings for him don't involve
an ounce of love.
& so it continues: The Abuse.
Sometimes you just don't know. Sometimes you're confused.
Sometimes you want to be asked, "Jennifer, how are you?"
