10 Days Ago
Damn, already fillin' my eyes w/tears. This is gonna be good.
Another Thursday comes along so I took my brother to work around 5 then
came home to get ready to get back on the road. Left around 6:15 to L.A.
got back before 10. I text my brother asking him to call me when he gets
off work [which he said 11-11:30] so I can pick him up. SOON as I got
home, I went to sleep. Just laid Andrew down & once my body felt the bed
I was knocked out.
June 5, 2009.. Earrrrrly morning 1:17am. I wake up & I'm concerned.
Wondering if Carlos came home from work already. He hadn't. I text him
asking what the deal was. He replied, "Oh I got a ride." I asked him,
"Where are you?" He said he was with friends. Mind you, he's got school
in less than 7hrs. I told him to come home. He said, "Ok. I'll ask them
to take me home."
20mins pass.
I'm still awake.
I'm irritated.
I text him asking for his location.
He's at the movie theater.
I told him I was on my way. I arrive & text him that I'm there & he
needs to come out.
"Can you wait a few mins, it's bout to be over."
Are you fucking kidding me. Kid hasn't graduated yet, he was late to
work the day before because being sleep-deprived he went to sleep soon
as he got home from school. & instead of coming home after work, he's
staying up even longer. I don't want him being tired during school. I
care too much. Boyy do I. Because soon as he came out he asks me if I
can give his friend a ride. When I refused RUDELY, he said, "Well I'm
not gonna leave him." How could he not see what I've done to get him
home safely right now. I told him to get in the car & even took it as
far as saying how can he choose some dude over his fam, me. Again he
says, "I can't leave him." After hesitating, he finally gets in the
car.
If he had a ride, why did he ask me for one for his friend?
I commenced to talk to him, calmly.
He gets a phone-call & begins a conversation w/the caller while I'm
speaking to him. I'm heated. I asked him to hang up. He says no. That he
doesn't care what I have to say. & oddly, hearing him say that to me
while looking into my eyes released my anger for another fool to feel.
Sadness set in. Boy did it set in. I cried that night. & he saw me. I
didn't want him to see me. I didn't want him to not care some more you
know?
Here's this guy, 18 years young, that I've considered my best friend.
Someone I'd do anything for & have always had his back. Part of my
inspiration to adapt into these restless nights so he can have food on
the daily, & bills taken care of. & he couldn't just give me the
respect.
Where do I go from here? Why did I work hard? Have I been slapped in the
face w/the ungrateful? & why do I still care.
This feeling. Feeling of needing to take care of my bros & my mom has
got to stop. When will I find my dreams if I keep spending my time
making money for them? I mean, damn Jenn.
All in all, I certainly felt & know that for my brother Carlos, friends
mean more to him than I do. & whether that's just how he feels at this
age & will later realize blah blah the pain is real & the hurt remains.
I've forgiven him. But he's not one of my priorities anymore. I don't
know what's worse though. That I chose to not care about him as much or
that he doesn't care about my decision.
Either way, it's one hell of a wake up call.
& he's in deep sleep.
