Are You In That Mood Yet?
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Joeeeyyyy....
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They don't leave me no options
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But he don't know that there's always problems, it only gets worse
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Soon as I feel good you retards remind me
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Some days I wanna relapse on redline
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I try to maintain through all this
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My pockets flat kid
You do the math on $5.15 an hour full time after taxes
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Some days I don't wanna be seen
And some days I don't shower, I don't wanna be clean
Look, sometimes the truth could hurt you
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Some days I'm not invincible and I feel the pressure
Like if everyone's dependin' on me, and I just stop
Then what the fuck happens?
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Don't appreciate a man and you lose him
Worst thing to do to an innocent man is accuse him
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Just let go and let God see if we reunite
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Nah, fuck it I wont fall
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But listen, I'm fucked up now
Don't ask why y'all
Sometimes the best medicine is just to cry y'all
Know what I'm sayin?
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Cuz it's these type of thoughts that'll kill ya
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And I wont front like I ain't stressin'
Sometimes I need a hug, real shit, pain shit is pain lesson
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Some days I don't wanna be bothered
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Just give me 10 minutes
I just need 10 minutes alone
To not deal with a thing, to not answer my phone
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Give me 10 minutes
Without y'all comin' at me with that bull
Sometimes that's all it takes to ruin my last pull
And right now, that's what got the kid at peace
*****
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Look, I don't give a fuck again
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Everything I seen is so unfair, So unclear,
Tryin' reach out, no ones there,
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Bills pilin' up with out cash, tryin' to maintain and out last,
Pray for me, keep tellin' niggas patiently, wait for me,
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I'm just a few pennies from debt,
I got no identity left, victim of Identity Theft.
Our problems are never new,
It's revenue,
Keep blamin' them it's never you,
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Pray.
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4 Walls, 4 Walls
They surround me
Loneliness
Has found me
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Look, Look, I'm tryin' to keep it formal now,
But the pressures on him now,
I'll go ahead and warn you now,
I'm tryin' to come across as normal now,
All my life I've been called insane,
looked at as if I'm strange,
Can't tame em, can't blame em, for lookin at me as if I can't change,
With that said still I'ma rise,
Though I keep it still in lies,
Good ahead reveal your disguise,
Maybe that'll kill the surprise,
Sometimes I feel deprived,
Started when the guilt arrived
*****
Maybe I'm exhausted, maybe I just lost it
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Same ol' story, guts an' no glory
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It's dudes wit' problems I couldn't imagine havin'
If I had to have 'em I couldn't fathom me lastin'.
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Sometimes the simplest of things people needed
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I picked a real bad time to be strategic.
I think my life's bad pickin' up the pieces
Some folk already got they appointment to see Jesus!
In this World full of diseases
I've learnt' not to bite my tongue or have seizures.
Depression tells me I suck
So I reply, "I ain't here 'cause I fell down, I'm here 'cause I got
up."
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In my past though been to jail, I ain't enjoy it
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I ain't ignit, just 'cause I exercise spiritually
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2008 foes is still near me
So you can think I'm tired as fuck, I'm still weary.
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Certain wounds only heal over time (over time).
No shame in my game, no pain, no gain
An' since I ain't seen a Prophet I figured God'll stop it
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I'm still a risk taker let me put it in words
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But can't grab at it my pride is bein' strangled.
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Anybody out there relate to my pain?
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Let's live for now, right now none of that matters.
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Past is a disaster, when ya house is see-through
Learn to close your eyes incase the glass shatters.
Jus' sayin', there's always a million more pages
When my stupid ass keep thinkin' I'm on the last chapter.
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Wanna call it quits, but a nigga can't picture that.
*****
I needed someone to blame in my mind
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And so I hit you hard when you threw in advice
Like what I want to talk to you about you ruined my life
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The reason I'm kinda different, don't think like normal people, not
calm
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(Use to pray that I would) Baby just calm down...
You gotta hold your head up cause we gone make it
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(You got to understand what I was going through)
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Everything's gonna be alright
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Listen... ain't shit like seeing your moms crying on the floor
Knowing you the reason why she ain't alright no more
But so young, I was like whatever
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I'm not surprised that you mad at me
Much as you hated my father, your youngest son is just like his daddy
Mommy I live life rude, how could you not understand it
On the same note I'm just like you
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Was sick of being sick, I was finally hurt
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It's a slow process y'all
One day at a time though... to get beautiful
*****
Whatever we had goin' it sure ain't anymore
Where there used to laughter now there's only pain
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On one hand u gave me such a beautiful seed
On the other hand he's used as a weapon
Y things have to change
For the worse
Scratch that
They really changed after birth
I guess u got what u wanted
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We ain't gotta hate each other
I tried to make it work
I wanted a family
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Look the lust was gone
The trust was gone
Come to grips with the thought of us is gone
*****
I'm somewhere between the real and the fakeness
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And I can't take this
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Maybe I'm buggin' out, maybe I'm on a spaceship
See I was on my stay out chill shit
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Don't ask me how I'm doin', I been better
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Niggaz don't even THINK like me
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I dare niggaz categorize me
*****
I'm at a level most niggas couldn't see past.
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Some say, "sky's the limit" still I'm tryin' to reach higher,
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I'm a 80's baby with a 60's mind state -
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Minority report, I'm ahead of your mind, niggas.
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Fuck what the world's come to,
Where the fuck's it going?
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I been on my grind, chasin' dollars.
In the fall or the summer-
The streets is pullin' me under-
And I ain't gettin' no younger.
*****
Friends came, friends left
Bullshit is endless, been next
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Maybe just my love died
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I cried 'till I can't cry no more
Believe my own nonsense, I can't lie no more
Soul dead, breathless; I can't sigh no more
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I guess I... pack-up all of my belongings and just troop it
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I feel like life is all written, understand my math
Got on my knees, told God I had a plan, He laughed.
I mean... hours passed, no sleep, cowards get a slow leak
Showered twice the whole week, powerless control freak.
Thinkin' about suicide, won't though I'm scrutinized
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Phone calls, death threats, tell me what's the next step.
What's what, who's who, paranoid as usual
Grippin' on my deuce-deuce, either way a lose-lose.
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I don't follow the path, I'm creatin' my own ta' leave a trail.
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No more food for thought, shit deceasin' the mind
Now they doubtin' my desire, second guessin' my fashion
Like bringin' of weapons of mass in when you question my passion.
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A nigga much deeper than what'chu see on the surface.
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Finally understandin' what the gift an' the curse is.
*****
When I'm alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall
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I'm vacationin' on a beach wit' no sand (and...)
Try'nna check the time on a clock wit' no hands (what else?)
Feel like I'm gettin' close, but I'm nowhere near it
I touch it but don't feel, listen but don't hear it.
Starin' out a project window under mad stresses
Me and my mental got two different addresses.
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If you don't understand, fine
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If they gonna set'chu up to lose, why try ta' win?
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I'd rather put me before y'all
I know niggas might call it "self-centered" -
I call that bein' smart.
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Amazed after all these years, I still care. It's weird...
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Can anybody out there hear me?
I feel like my voice is lost
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But with everything I am, I still find a way to stand an' keep movin'
While I'm here so strong and still... like I'm invisible.
