Tears Gone Cold.
When I was little I used to visit my aunt's house very often. I don't even remember my brother as a child but that's a tale for another day. On one visit I accompanied my aunt, uncle, and two cousins on a hiking "trip." It was a one day thing in which we walked and climbed and were careful with the boulders and streams surrounding us. In circles it felt like but gradually I did realize we were getting to a higher altitude. As we approached a much slower pace I stopped and looked up to my surprise a gorgeous waterfall. My eyes looked from the bottom all the way to the top in which I saw a huge rock. It looked as if it were to fall with one hand gently placed on top. And to my amazement, water was coming down, rushing almost as if to escape some horrendous threshold. Water coming down under that huge rock. I realized the rock was placed in between two boulders and the waterfall started underneath that rock. I was fearful but as my eyes returned below to the landing of the water, I noticed children. Children in the water. Merry, smiling, screaming joyfully. Raising their arms and hands to the sky. And I was filled with faith. Faith and effortless happiness. My uncle called for me, I snapped out of my "zone" and joined them near the landing. I was wondering if we [my cousins and I] were able to go in the water like these careless kids but my question was soon answered when my aunt encouraged me to do so. I placed my feet on the edge of the water and the water in between my toes was so cold. Cold but so welcoming. And so I went in. And actually walked under the waterfall and sat behind it in this little "seat" that was part of the mountain. I stood up, dived in the shallow water, and swam to free my soul. To free my soul.
And ever since then I never felt the same. As the years passed by, my spirit soon followed my soul in the sense of being free. And that caused me to act a certain way with others. Unattached, single if you will, and not trusting anyone completely.
As I got older I evaluated my life and thought of the past and how it changed me to this young lady glaring at me in the mirror. I knew myself extremely well. I didn't lose myself despite the betrayals caused by what I thought my BestFriendsForever, and the bruises left on my heart from me allowing boys to hurt me in a way that's impossible to heal.
A soul and spirit so free that LOVE became something I was IN love with. Not so much to commit because I later learned that what I did with my husband wasn't commit but obey. A hurtful relationship that's caused me to look like a walking scar to the trained eye. Again, I must stress that I allowed myself to be hurt and I continue to allow myself to live amongst other humans as a scar.
I'm working on it but it's so hard to forgive when you have so many distractions.
Moving forward.
♥°
And ever since then I never felt the same. As the years passed by, my spirit soon followed my soul in the sense of being free. And that caused me to act a certain way with others. Unattached, single if you will, and not trusting anyone completely.
As I got older I evaluated my life and thought of the past and how it changed me to this young lady glaring at me in the mirror. I knew myself extremely well. I didn't lose myself despite the betrayals caused by what I thought my BestFriendsForever, and the bruises left on my heart from me allowing boys to hurt me in a way that's impossible to heal.
A soul and spirit so free that LOVE became something I was IN love with. Not so much to commit because I later learned that what I did with my husband wasn't commit but obey. A hurtful relationship that's caused me to look like a walking scar to the trained eye. Again, I must stress that I allowed myself to be hurt and I continue to allow myself to live amongst other humans as a scar.
I'm working on it but it's so hard to forgive when you have so many distractions.
Moving forward.
♥°
