"I Told You So."

My step-dad is outstandingly stubborn and I don't know what my biological father is like. I'm also unsure if stubbornness can be inherited.

I know what makes me happy and what makes me unhappy.

I admit that for awhile I allowed to be in pain. And I know that it was great for a good year to find myself again and just live life. It felt so good to do that. I was owed that and I definitely took advantage.

Now I find myself in that same dim light and I can't help but say, "I told you so."

I'm tired of letting it get to me and thinking I have no choice.

On the other hand, I'm hell'a glad I got my family behind me and that I am no longer keeping quiet about things. They know what's going on and what's most important in my life.

God. Help me.

I've read that if you stay positive and keep a life of faith and perseverance you will succeed. Because God has that in store for you. And it could take a day, week, month, year for me to see what God has actually been up to behind the scenes but if I don't lose faith, I will be saved.

I wonder what God feels. Nevermind. No I don't.

I want to say so much right now. But I can't. I just want to cry. But I won't.

Never have I experienced freedom as much as I did when I spent a few days and nights in New York. And damn do I miss that.

I miss waking up and getting ready and going to explore and writing everything down in my little brown thing. Why won't I do that here? I'm sure I don't know everything that's going on here. I mean my city may not be a metropolitan area, in fact it's so damn remote, but still I haven't gone out to explore so how would I really know. Sigh.

I also miss being a morning person. It's like no matter how early or late I sleep the night before, I am awake at 7 cranky as hell. Every day it gets better though. But it's always around the afternoon that I get mad at myself for not being more productive at an earlier time lol.

*shakes fist*

Grr at me!!

I'm working so hard to be at a better place. It's time to show something for it.

God. Help me please.

I don't want to be angry anymore. It's uncomfortable.

I've said too much already.