Preview

Hammers & Strings (A Lullaby)

"And my friend calls me up,
She says, how have you been? I say dear I've been well
Yeah, the money's coming but I miss you like hell
I still hear you in this old piano, yeah

"Come on, write me a song, give me something to trust
Just promise you won't let it be, just the keys that you touch

"Give me something to believe in, a breath from the breathing
So write it down, I don't think that I'll close my eyes
'Cause lately I'm not dreaming so what's the point in sleeping?
It's just that at night I've got nowhere to hide

"And my friend calls me up with her heart heavy still
She says Andy the doctor's prescribed me the pills
But I know I'm not crazy, I just lost my will
So why am I, why am I taking them still?

"To the sleepless, this is my reply:
I will write you a lullaby."



Thank you, Jeff.

Your Love's All I Want To Know

How did I become so obnoxious?
It baffles me.
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I want to punch myself in the throat.
I've never been this nasty.
& yet I embrace what I've evolved into only because no one else will.

She longs for Your touch.
Yours, Love.
But the steps that are taken in order to reach that level are ashes.
Ashes that her heart swallowed without effort.

Let's continue evolving.
Into something beautiful.
Into what one knows we can be.
Let's start today.

It's scary to even think about it.
Maybe we can start another day.

Why is it cold near her?

*Just finished listening to "Something To Behold" by The Foreign Exchange

Something Different

Now. This girl, she's so cold. She receives compliments by responding in a rude manner. The tough shell is see through. So predictable, this girl, & yet she gives them a feeling they forgot were capable of feeling. She's unforgettable. Even to you. You don't even know why she suddenly has this spell on you. & you try to reach out to her. And she's so cold. She looks at you with her brown eyes. Dull, brown eyes. Dull, only because to her, you're nothing. You're meaningless. While you're thinking of her, she's thinking of herself. She told you, though. She told you from the start.

"I'm special. I will make you feel a certain way just by my conversation. And when you get a taste of me, it won't be enough. You're going to want me to stay. Don't spend time with me."

But from the beginning you've thought that you could be the one. The one to break that shell. The one to bring the sweet girl out & treat you like you deserve. You know she's it. You want her to come to you. Well, you want to mean it, anyway. But she is so stubborn. Only to realize you're more stubborn than she's ever been & ever will be because there you are trying. Again & again. Maybe this time spent she will open up. Maybe this time she will let me in. How am I letting her have such an effect on me? This girl, won't pay you any mind. Just let her go. She's no good.

She's the greatest love that never bloomed.

I Should Care

I should care.

I should care.
For my sake, I should.

Not until the real thing comes along.
I should care.
About you.

Acting like the little girl named Blue.
Even though I shine & uplift you.
Inside myself, I want to understand.
I want to understand that way more than you know.

Every lonely night seems like a stormy monday.
I used to seek a simple life.
Now all I will accept is the best.
Not from you, but from me.
The pressure weighs heavier, not only as I rest, but as I work.

Sometimes I'm happy.
The joy, you can't miss.
But those things.
Those things.
They're not what they used to be.
I can't see that this outcome is.. for now.


My soul is yearnin'.
My soul is shoutin' & I'm deaf to its call.
My soul is willing & I'm too numb to move.
Maybe it is just tired.
Maybe I can't remember.
My soul needs to be serenaded.
By you, Love.

Deep down in Past I recall the bad.
I recall the mandatory independence of mine.
Deep down in Present I am friends with Past.
I am friends with the loose ends holding me back.
Deep down in Future I am anxious for the success.
I am anxious for the glory I will hold gracefully.
Deep down in Soul I know the answers to my questions.
I know the answers to my questions & I also know yours.

There was this bridge I couldn't find.
And when I found it, I couldn't see it.
And when I saw it, I couldn't walk up to it.
When I walked up to it, I wouldn't dare touch it.
When I touched it, the bridge turned blue.
When the bridge turned blue I ran.
Ran as fast as I could not knowing I did not move.
I RAN ONLY IN MY MIND & BECAUSE OF THAT THINGS STAYED THE WAY THEY WERE.
THINKING THAT I WAS PROGRESSING BUT ONLY LEAVING THINGS FOR LATER.
I burned that bridge down but never crossed it.

Lord, Let Me Live

"Hustlers don't sleep nigga we work the grave shift....
No playing around here, Lord let us live
Don't hate my hood just hate my shine
We coming out we on our grind
We live real down here, Lord let us live
We coming outta here, Lord let us live
Lord knows that money don't matter
Lord knows that status is better
Lord knows about the hood I live in
He's taking away but he's giving....
Don't hate me just let me ride, Lord just give me light."

Eres Para Mi

d & j

Two different lifestyles
Same respect
Two different backgrounds
Same appreciation
Two different cultures
Same admiration

d & j

To Get Away..

I guess with every form of communication comes a situation where two people don't see eye-to-eye. I'd like to address a tiny issue here, today. You have a Twitter right? No? Get one. It's fun.

I shared w/the Twitter fam & strangers how I was going to get a Monopoly game started.. A friend of mine thought it'd be funny to mention that since Joe Budden plays, I wanted to break the board out & play too. It wasn't funny.

----------------------------------------- 3:53 pm -----------------------------------------
SoulfulJenn: Got me tight thinkin no one can play monopoly but Joe Budden, smh.
[A friend]: LOL
----------------------------------------- 3:56 pm -----------------------------------------
[A friend]: Calm down I'm just saying. I see him playing I wouldn't min whipping out the board and pulling out my iron. I've played monopoly on the computer and my phone. It's been like 9-10 years since I played on a board. Seeing joey plays makes you wanna do that that's all I was saying gosh.
SoulfulJenn: You're still wrong tho & that's what got me tight
SoulfulJenn: He raps too u don't see me doin that
SoulfulJenn: Just cuz he does it I want to?
SoulfulJenn: I'm my own person
SoulfulJenn: & I knew about Monopoly before I knew Joey existed.
SoulfulJenn: So now that I mention it, shit hits the fan.
SoulfulJenn: Smh.
[A friend]: Never mind my bad
SoulfulJenn: Like it aint millions of versions & people that play that
SoulfulJenn: Joey does it, so we all wanna do it.
SoulfulJenn: >:o
----------------------------------------- 4:01 pm -----------------------------------------
SoulfulJenn: Is that the real Tina Fey you're following?

*MAYBE I WENT OVERBOARD. MAYBE HE GOT TIGHT & THAT'S WHY HE NEVER RESPONDED TO MY TINA FEY QUESTION LOL.

But damn!! How many times must I prove myself to someone to show that I'm real. To show that I do me no matter what. I mean I've spoken about this before, he's not the first to speak out of turn. Whether he was jokin' or not, he's playin' w/my character & that's where I needed to say, that's not coo. *sigh* I even FELT before I shared "what I was doing" that someone was going to mention Joey, because of course he comes to mind NOW that I know he plays thanks to JOEBUDDENTV.com as well as my BK dude aka Ron Darling, baby!, who told me before. But I used to play this game religiously!! Used to love a challenge because I was always the winner.. I mentioned before how I didn't want to add who I listened to often because well thanks to Twitter a lot of these people have an account. A couple of them follow me & I'm not one to try to make it seem like I'm telling THEM I'm listening to THEIR music. You know? Like oh she's just sayin' that cuz he's gonna read it later. Nahh. I'm letting people know because it's music worth listening to. It's music that I can relate to in one way or another. Look at my posts, I've shared a lot, I'm open, I'm not ashamed of anything & A LOT of it consists of lyrics or songs that had some kind of an effect on me. I didn't want to make a big deal out of something someone @replied to me on Twitter but it definitely gave light to all the situations I've had in my past where I've been judged & misunderstood. A place I've tried so hard to stay away from but I seem to end up there anyway. It's like no matter how much I share to show the many parts of me, it's still not enough for others, so they question me. & to be honest it really isn't enough. Because there's so much more TO me.

Anger Management

There have been two instances where I have said outloud to two different members of my family:

"I need anger management."

One instance was when I took my mother to a place of employment that had a HELP WANTED sign posted out.. She went in, came out empty-handed.

Me: "What happened?"
Mom: "I asked for an application. They said they didn't have any. & that's it."
Me: "That's it?"
Mom: "Si."
Me: (mad thoughts of racist fucks in the area, to just look at her & decide there aren't any, not even tellin' her we are taking resumes, or the generic application if we have it already, or........)
Me: "I need anger management."

2nd instance was while watching Titanic. There's a scene where they have the gates locked preventing other lives from being saved. Angry Leo & his friends tore down the ate then one of his friends punched the dude that locked the gate.

Carlos: "Forreal, I woulda done the same."
Me: "Would have frustrated me as well! I need anger management. Them classes will make ur wallet stretch thin."
Carlos: "That would anger some people."

LOL

What progress will we have made?

Text of Democrat Barack Obama's speech in Chicago after winning the presidential election:

OBAMA: Hello, Chicago.

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It's the answer that led those who've been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment change has come to America.

A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Senator McCain.

Senator McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he's fought even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader.

I congratulate him; I congratulate Governor Palin for all that they've achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton ... and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the vice president-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last 16 years ... the rock of our family, the love of my life, the nation's next first lady ... Michelle Obama.

Sasha and Malia ... I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us ...to the new White House.

And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother's watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight. I know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you've given me. I am grateful to them.

And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe ... the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best – the best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America.

To my chief strategist David Axelrod ... who's been a partner with me every step of the way.

To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics ... you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy ... who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.

It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organized and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth.

This is your victory.

And I know you didn't do this just to win an election. And I know you didn't do it for me.

You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime – two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.

There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage or pay their doctors' bills or save enough for their child's college education.

There's new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there.

I promise you, we as a people will get there.

AUDIENCE: Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes we can!

OBAMA: There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem.

But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it's been done in America for 221 years – block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night.

This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

It can't happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.

Let us remember that, if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers.

In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.

To those – to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

That's the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we've already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons – because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America – the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

AUDIENCE: Yes we can.

OBAMA: When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

AUDIENCE: Yes we can.

OBAMA: She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that We Shall Overcome. Yes we can.

AUDIENCE: Yes we can.

OBAMA: A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change.

Yes we can.

AUDIENCE: Yes we can.

OBAMA: America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves – if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America.

What God required..

In 2007, Sen. Barack Obama observed Martin Luther King Jr. Day with an address at St. Mark Cathedral in Harvey, Ill. King wasn't a politician or decorated war hero, Obama told a packed congregation. Rather, he was a man who changed a nation by first choosing to love his neighbor enough to serve him. "He did what God required," Obama said. "He loved his neighbor. He loved his enemies." Source.

***I can definitely learn how to love my enemies. My will has not been tested. - Soulful Jenn

The People's Inspiration

Even the strongest person that refuses to believe that there's someone or something out there that is holding them down, FEELS that way one day if not often. Forcing them to not live up to their maximum potential in the sense of becoming successful, in which the term successful varies for all. Obstacles that shouldn't stand in their way but are somehow possessing them because it is in their mind. Mentally they are unable to focus due to this long-ago-created belief that they are not able to MOVE FORWARD.

I'm positive that I'm not the only one that has felt that there are many barricades keeping me from reaching my peak. That no matter how big or small a barrier has been conquered, there's always a snag along the way. A hurdle too tall to cross over.

Well, no matter what we've gone through, if we choose to never give up & remain strong, we WILL make it. & we will NOT FAIL. But with each other's help, we can create a POSITIVE change.

I'm definitely open to that. Are you?

Barack, where Nelson Mandela once was. Source.

Long Way To Go

"My soul's so cold; Weaken all my bones"

I work hard. Really hard. So hard, I don't recognize myself in the mirror sometimes. There's a certain look acquired while at work. The kind of look that when you're OUTSIDE Of work, your co-workers aren't sure if it's you or not. "You just look so different outside of work, I didn't recognize you." Anyway.

"My soul's so cold; Weaken all my bones"

I think I've gotten used to a certain lifestyle that I don't want to continue. On the other hand, I've had my taste of rewards. For example, last year I went to a state I've never been to before, as well as a different country that I truly describe as a blessing. If I didn't work as hard, I wouldn't have been able to go & take care of the bills as well as family while I was gone.

"My soul's so cold; Weaken all my bones"

As far as being social, "hanging out," I don't do it often. I choose not to. I prefer to spend as much time as I can w/only my son. Ow, maybe my past has traumatized me; in the sense of, I might never see him again, I work a lot of hours as it is, so when you're home, stay home, with him. Now not necessarily at home & nowhere else. I mean, we go out. He loves books. The library & the park are two of his favorite places to go to. Seaworld, not so much. Legoland, he's slept lol.

"My soul's so cold; Weaken all my bones"

It's only the rare days and/or nights that I feel Lonely creepin' up on me & reminding me that I don't have a companion I can rely/trust, that makes me think about my future & where I'm going with the way that I live my life. Should I spend more time with others? Every single one of them that calls, texts me wanting some time w/me I don't even get back to.

"My soul's so cold; Weaken all my bones"

Every working night, I come across someone who is honest & tells me that I have this rough/rude shell. An exterior, if you will, that refuses to be sweet. I'm not surprised, I mean.. They're right. Tf do I need to be sweet for, at work? I'm there to make money. Not to find a man or make a friend. Ima get you your meals, w/extraordinary service & a memorable smile *wink*, tip me well, maybe I'll see you again. That's that.

"My soul's so cold; Weaken all my bones"

I'm so random w/my thoughts, it's ridiculous.

"My soul's so cold; Weaken all my bones"

I just [4:50] got a Bible. I'm out.

"My soul's so cold; Weaken all my bones"

I could be miserably wrong but this is what I listened to, I typed it out. Joe Budden's Long Way To Go from Mood Muzik 3. What I didn't relate to and/or understand I skipped.

"My feet are tired & the pain shows: such a long way to go, now
Such a long way to go, gotta be strong by myself now"

See, sometimes I find myself wondering, how much longer.. How much more of this will I take? Damn I'm strong.

"But I gotta work hard just to reach my goals
Such a long way to go, so many miles left, but I'm here now."

Of course, there's been times I've wanted to give up. Who hasn't. I JUST CANNOT ALLOW MYSELF TO STOP. I REFUSE to not care. This HAS to be worth the prize. I KNOW it. Things that I never even dreamed of will occur. Or is it that, everything I have thought of will soon be a present reality? Because I'm capable of it. Or else I wouldn't imagine it, and hope for it so badly to come true sooner than later. Plus, I deserve it. So when I am able to sleep at least 1 hour a day, I'm thankful.

"Please Lord something' gotta give
They say for every negative there's a positive
But I aint positive for every buck deposited
We still in the hood, livin' like hostages
Nevermind colleges, school of hard-knock scholarship
Dealin' w/politics"

Now. Believe me, it gets so hard to have a lot of money in my hands only to realize you can't spend it on anything you WANT to spend it on. You know you work hard, I mean, this is labor. Not paperwork. You're standing for 19hrs a day BEING ACTIVE! And the numbers seem so small. So many hours put in, for minimum wage. Seems like a joke to me sometimes. Like, wow. I'm a mother & this is it right. Too often, I don't even think like that. My mind is automatically set to: getting paid, taking care of the bills, go to the next job. I don't even stop & think where the money's actually going. Err, NOT going. I think of going back to college sometimes. I'm starting to think that can only be a dream. When would I ever have time to do that? *laughs* Truly, tragic. No time to sit & think about that now though.

"No matter how high up the mountain I stay climbin'."

I just smiled at that when I heard it.

"My niggas'll be here in one call
Shit get heavy all I do is pick up the phone
Aint gotta go through nothin' alone
Shit get heavy all I do is pick up the phone
Aint gotta walk in this world alone
If I'm on my own
Keep on standing on my own two feet
Every time that I cry, when I sweat, when I bleed
See nothing can stop me. No, nothing except for me"

It'd be nice to have someone in your life to call right? So that you WOULDN'T HAVE TO deal with this alone. Being in a house full of people & FEELING SO ALONE. Being HELD by the only person you truly love unconditionally & feel untouched. Feelin' cold. Longing the warmth of what? Of who?? *shrugs* Maybe no one at all. Just your mind playing tricks on you. It's all mental anyway right.

Yeah.

It would be nice to have someone to call. Knowing every time you call you would be able to rely on them to answer. Not send you to voicemail. Not tell you to call them AFTER you've called so many afternoons, evenings, mornings, nights.. But you continue to call. Because of that IRREPLACEABLE IMPACT they have had on you. That HISTORY you shared. Makes those calls you made that were never answered: acceptable.

Hardships That You Can't Understand

Based on the color of your skin, you have gone through a certain level of injustice. And others don't want to ever go through what you go through. Some go through so much negativity on a daily basis & you just can't fathom surviving it. You don't understand it. You're a good person & when you hear about someone else's struggle, suddenly, your problems have solutions. And what you worried about, well. You feel so stupid. Ashamed almost. You suddenly want to make a difference. In their lives. Those that just want to be free in living their life. Don't wish for anything else, BUT that. Then you're set back on common ground. Whoa. Rethink your priorities.

- inspired.

Wish I Could Be There..

*HEY I LOVE TO MOBILE BLOG SO THIS IS THE BEST I COULD DO =D

2008 post

Many topics I want to cover but want to use my laptop not my phone but then being on the laptop is so time-consuming. I start messin' w/Word, Powerpoint, Paint, Photoshop & the World Wide Web lol. Anyway I guess since I am not busy @ work & am supposed to wake up the dishwasher around 2am I have 12minutes to cover a lil somethin'.

There's a regular that comes in, he's a therapist. From the first day I met him he told me he would never judge me and to never think that because he's a therapist he would automatically analyze me. He said he wouldn't. [Course not, then I'd have to start paying for sessions right?] Anyway..

He knows I work hard, he knows I'm a single mother & from many conversations he knows I don't complain. He also loves my spirit. How often I smile & how uplifting my presence can be.

So one night we're discussing the economy & we shared what we knew. I shared about our nation & he discussed how bad it's going to be not just for us as a nation but as the world. Moving forward, he [among many things] says to me, "Do you realize how hard it's getting to take care of our parents?"

And at that point in my life I felt a rush of understanding coming from another being, him. Like, YES I REALIZE. OH MANN. TAKING CARE OF MY MOTHER IS ENOUGH ALREADY. I didn't say this but it's what I felt. Then. Felt like I had no other choice but to deal w/the fact that she's fully able to work, is intelligent, just hasn't looked for a damn job to hold her own. *reminds self this is my mother, inhale, exhale [x2]*

~2:02a.. just woke up the dishwasher, still not busy (me)~

So I looked at him and said, "YES! I can agree to that!" He laughed. Then I realized, 'He's not taking care of his parents. They died. So what's this old man talkin' about? How dos he know about me? I never told him.'

He says to me, "I feel your struggle. I know it's hard. Not only for yourself but to care for others that aren't putting as much effort as yourself."

I just stood there. Staring at him. Thought about what he had just said to me. And I told him, "Well. I can honestly say I appreciate the hard times because it's molded me into the appreciative, hard-working person that I am. Without those around me that aren't grateful for what I do, how else would I learn. How else would I grow. I just know that if I just keep working hard, one day I will really see that it's paying off. That every restless day/night was worth it. And this too shall pass. So why bitch, why complain, why wonder when better things will come when they're already here? I got a job right? Thank God I have two. I have something. Gotta maintain my smile & my positive attitude."

Then he was staring at me. He said, "You just realized what we try to get others to comprehend for weeks, sometimes months. Logic. You're something else woman."

And that. Was just that.

*Note: things are A LOT better now. Even with the mother =P Thank God.