Got Spirit?

A lot of people are angry, confused, lonely, mad, sad & (place emotion here that isn't a happy one) today. For whatever reason that may be, I pray that somehow in some way your soul gets TOUCHED. Whether it's remebering a time when you were extremely happy, the hardest you've ever laughed, even if it was 10 minutes or 10 years ago, hope it brings back something for you. Something that changes the perspective you have for this Holiday season and your future.

I also know many people do not believe in God. Don't believe in prayer. Doesn't mean I can't help you by praying for you. Even if you don't care for it or want it. You deserve it. And I know God's plan is much bigger than your own. And you owe yourself to never give up, to never walk with your head down & really look outside yourself in order for you to see just how important you really are. And you do deserve good things. Stop asking yourself why? Stop asking questions you think you don't already know the answer to. Better yourself. Think of what you want in life. Not who. Think of what you deserve. Achieve it. It may take minutes or decades, but you deserve it. You matter.

Someone once told me to "never settle for less." I've held tightly to those words and have been thanking God I have not let go of them.

Someone else also told me "Trust your instinct. Trust your gut. What does your gut tell you?" See that? The question after? Because it requires your participation. Not just some free advice. Requires you to think, to feel.

Nothing's going to come to you if you're just sitting around. You must act and build your future. Starts with today. Matter fact, put a rush on that & start with yesterday.

;-)

"I hope you havin' Platinum Dreams out there. You in your bed, all tucked in at night. You on the job, you dozin' off: THINK BIG. Think MILLIONS. Think Platinum !!"

-88-Keys' adlibs on 713 Palms by Evidence-

What's your name?
Merry Christmas, (your name).
God bless you.

Drunk Post

You know:

· the drunk dialing.
· the drunk texts.
· the drunk (u fill in the blank).

Well.

From the 14th of this month until yesterday afternoon I was in tainted BARRA DE NAVIDAD, of the underrated state of JALISCO, abused MEXICO. Let me tell you now.

Incredibly memorable.

Love for Brooklyn

I'm usually never the first to blog about new music because I don't do this for a living. I don't have the time to search and find. I'd like the time & I'm currently working hard to hopefully see that day soon. I don't care to be the first because I do this shit for me. I want to look back & be proud that I'm the one that knows what each blog post meant to me at that time & I know me better than anyone. I stay being the only one that understands how & in what ways I've evolved. With that being said, I "go hard."

Piano(forte)

"With the advent of powerful desktop computers, highly realistic sampled digital grand pianos have become available as affordable software modules. Some use multi-gigabyte piano sample sets with as many as 90 recordings, each lasting many seconds, for each of the 88 keys under different conditions, augmented by additional samples to emulate sympathetic resonance, key release, the drop of the dampers, and simulations of piano techniques like re-pedaling."

Wikipedia.

Holiday Ornaments

Dooope!

First I see one of my fav book as a child, Where The Wild Things Are.

Then I spotted that popular Caterpillar book.

Then of course, as a fan of Pixar, I was ecstatic when I saw Buzz (so cute in that case) as well as Guido & Luigi..

Ooh and Nemo & friends.

Classic Disney Peter Pan image..

Beauty & the Beast :)

Noticed Horton Hears A Who..

And last but not least Thomas The Train & that damn Panda. LOL.

Dopest Wallet I've Bought

Funny of the Day

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ｄavida: Remember we used to be on the web cams
ｄavida: Lmao....wrong IM
ｄavida: Totally
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SoulfulJenn: LMFAO

Bad News

Didn't you know
I was waiting on you
Waiting on a dream
that'll never come true
Didn't you know
I was waiting on you
My face turnt to stone
when I heard the news
When you decide to break the rules
'Cause I just heard some real bad news
People will talk
Like it's old news
I played it off and act like I already knew
Let me ask you
how long have you known dude
You played it off and act like he's brand new
When you decide to break the rules
'Cause I just heard some real bad news
real bad news
real bad news
real bad news
oh you just gonna
keep another no you wont
oh you just gonna
keep it like you never knew
oh you just gonna
keep another love for you
oh you just gonna
keep it like you never knew
while I'm waiting on a dream
that'll never come true
oh you just gonna
keep it like you never knew
my face turnt to stone
when I heard the news
whats on the news
channel cruise

-Kanye West-

Jose's Celebration

He finally turned 21. I mean 2.

=P

Skyscrapers Galore

I love this picture.

Holidays bring Displays

And they fill me with joy & make me hopeful.

that NY love

Ok so watchin' these boys on Entourage. U know, on Season 2 when the chick at the Apple store gives Turtle a $2000 store credit.

Soooo NY of him to stand RIGHT OUTSIDE that bitch and start hustlin'!! Talkin' bout $1200 for the $2G store credit.

Ahhhhh. Love it.

Entourage has picked up another one..

I heard reviews of this show and just never got around to it. Also, I don't fuckin' have HBO so there.

Anyway what pushed me over the edge, in the sense of wanting to watch it, was Davida telling me that she loved it. AND she owns all the seasons (except the 5th), so now I'm a fan.

Can't get enough. And am so glad I don't have to wait to watch em. Cuz I got the dvd's baby!

Woowwww this music though is great on the show. And Jeremy Piven used to annoy me, even when he did a voice for Cars. But now, I'm a fan and that dude is hilarious.

Let's hug it out you little bitch.

Yeah.

Let's.

My Dad

I've never met my biological daddy.. Hoping I will find him this year and just HOLD HIM. Tell him I'm not angry, I don't hate him, that I WANT to get to know him! Anyway.

My dad, the step-father, will always be my dad. He's been there since I was 3 years old. He's always respected me, although sometimes extreme usage of strict criticism, I know it's because he always saw me as his own; therefore the need to protect me was deeply installed inside him.

Him & I never had a close relationship. Not a lot of communication. He was always working. I was always in school: studying and/or participating in extracurricular activities. And if he & I happened to be in the house at the same time, I'd be in my room with the door closed & locked while he was *shrugs*

I can say that I tried to have a relationship with him but I'm admitting that I didn't try as hard as I could have.

Dinners with him were awkward. If I didn't speak, it was just me listening to him talk on his phone. If I did have something to say, it was just me listening to him talk on his phone. I remember telling him I had something important to discuss with him and he'd nod. Then he'd just pull his cell phone out. That's when I knew, he didn't have time.

Financially? He was always there. He always took care of me. In that sense anyway. Well here's the turn-around. I went to see him recently, and we talked and talked and talked! I even broke down in front of him and he was there! HE WAS THERE!! It was so beautiful. Just. To have someone just listen to you. Even if you're WRONG!! Just remaining quiet and listening carefully to each and every single word. To care! Oh man I can't stress enough how great it felt to just look into his eyes and share everything that was going on. It even felt good to ask for his help! Wow. Me. Asking for help. That's an astoundingly rare event.

He asked me, "How are you?"

I don't get asked that often. I get "How are things?" or "How's everything?" but not many have the time to actually hear my answer of how I really am, let alone: care. So when he asked me, it kind of threw me off. Like, oh! Should I tell him the truth? Should I give him the one word answer then nod needlessly? Should I give him more words but all pretty much bullshit?

Well, I was feeling like an open book that evening. An aggressive, risk-maker as well. I had prayed to have someone to talk to, if just for a few minutes. Someone that mattered to me and I mattered to them. Never thought my dad would be the one to fulfill me.

Wow I'm tearing up as I type this.

So he asked me. How are you?

And I. I. I just. Let. Him. Know.

I WANTED him to know that I wasn't doing well. That. Financially, I was great. Well, I could be better but I'm great, considering the times. But me. What makes me, me was missing. That I missed myself. That I was just making money & my heart was still beating somehow. That I'm forgetting how to feel. That I don't talk to people I really want to keep in touch with. That I didn't have time to live my life. And most of all: I was tired. So tired. He didn't know the extent until he looked at me and I was shedding tears. He couldn't hear it in my voice but I was already crying. Speaking normal, no crack, no change of tone, no pauses, smooth flow and tears running down my face. I looked at him and said, "Dad. I need help. If I keep working & "living" the way I have been for the last two years, I don't know if I will last." And he looked at me and said, "Jenny. I don't know. I don't know what to do about your situation."

Strangely, those were the best words I could have heard. I was in need of a physical being so much that the fact that he listened and said ANYTHING meant so MUCH to me. I was. Complete. Here I was, telling him about what I was having problems with and my solutions to those problems and I was happy! Nothing was resolved but I was happy!

Because of our lack of communication we both learned to read our looks and what they mean. He loves me so much. And he's one man I respect the most. As much as we disagree on countless issues, he took care of me that evening in a way he never dared to. In a way I never allowed him to before.

And Another One

Another AIM SN I have blocked.

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ExplanatoryCoho: Help me! I'm afraid of my own shadow. :( How do I go
about conquering it?

Tommy 3 Cups

There's an older gentleman that comes in every day to have his morning coffee. Very humble, respectful, RICH, man.

One of the cooks recently moved in with him, renting a room in his Big House.

Tonight the cook told me that this old man, lol, is in love with me.

"What?!"

"Siiii !!"

LOL. I just think he loves me as his daughter because he's never looked at me (that) way or made any inappropriate gestures/moves.

Cook says at his job he tells all his coworkers about this Beautiful Girl that works at *&$%#'s lmao. Psyche. I work at Denny's ya'll.

So yeah. Hm. Ain't that somethin'. Said I was beautiful.

:-D

Starbucks Trip

Across the bottom says "Do Something Good Every Day."

I LOVE THAT!!

I mean it's nice if you're doing something that you weren't going to do (that day) for the cause, but every day making it your duty to just do good..

THAT'S where we need to be.

(Got the peppermint mocha hot drank; delish; yesterday morn)

Grinning from Ear to Ear

Ok. So. Overall. I'm a happy person. And if I'm not particulary happy with anything one day, I'm still somehow, able to cheer others up. I like this quality of mine.

This morning, I'd say around 3am, I saw someone I hadn't seen in over a year I'd say. He was breathtaken. He couldn't believe I was alive. Lol. No but he was with a friend and he described me to him as someone who is always the way I look (at that moment), just smiling. Grinning from ear to ear.

I'm not too sure why I do smile often, even on my worst day, someone, somewhere has the ability to just make my day.

Last night was one of those nights.

"I'm all on my own, I don't need no friends, I gotta win, so this is where it ends." (Young Buck)

I just felt like it was just me. Me, me, me. Now. When I work, my mother takes care of Andrew. But Saturday night she decided she would visit this man that hasn't given her A DIME since they made a baby together. If she doesn't have enough for diapers, food, she's asking her other two kids for money (this is including me folks). So I ask you. Why would you spend time with a man like that?? SMFH.

So I worked Saturday night, so as soon as Carlos got off of work, he came straight home so he could take care of Andrew. I came home Sunday morning, took a nap, and round noon Carlos went to work. Sunday night came, Carlos was coming straight home after work, and I was getting ready to clock in. Was my mother around? Nah, she still with that dude. No call, no communication to tell her other two kids when she's coming back or anything. We have no way to reach her, it aint like she left a fuckin' number. Wow I'm getting mad again. *breathes*

So I get off of work this morning, and I'm scheduled at job 2 @ 9 until 6. Is she at home? Nope. So now I need someone to watch Andrew so I make Carlos NOT go to school and tell him that I'm sorry but that's the way it has to be until Mother realizes she has these two other children & a GRANDchild.

Yo. What the fuck is wrong with her?

So I was mad at work last night and just got over it when someone who is quite fond of me kept telling me how much he loved me.

"Catch me if you can, ay, now holler back bitches." (Young Buck)

And they tell me,
"You're beautiful."
"Your mind is extraordinary."
"You have so much to give."
"I love the positivity."
"Why aren't you with anyone?"

*drops mic*

My Thanksgiving?

First off, I'd like to say Hello December!

Second, my mom made Turkey this year. Wow! And stuffing!! Woww!!!
Third, and mashed potatoes!!!! Wowww!!!!!

Anywho, I didn't really take part in all this because I was working. I made good money, and my legs got a workout for sure.

What I looked like at work without any sleep for 48hrs (at least). Smh.

& the city that gave me life never looked so good

I was in Los Angeles last week sometime and it was absolutely beautiful. The pictures I took were when I was passing through Downtown. Dark, yet so pleasant to look at. Intimidating but inviting. I hadn't spent anytime there in a long while and for the first time in years it felt so good to be there. The last time I was walking around Downtown was for court. Then before that, prom dress shopping. Anyway, this time. This time, was different. I wasn't filled with flashbacks of bad memories. Even the streets advertising poverty didn't bring me down. I wasn't taken back to my own experiences/tragedies. I felt like a visitor that was just enjoying the scenery. And for the first time in a long time, it felt like home.

I remember thinking sometime during the day about poems, songs & words being written about palm trees in LA. They were looking strong in that wind. Might sound corny but if you feel me, you're feeling my words. I provided pictures only to have you see through my eyes. Provide my words to give you an inside look into some of my thoughts. Don't take it for granted.

I ended the night with a trip to Callendar's over by La Brea Tar Pits (Wilshire Blvd) and had steak, mashed potatoes & vegetables. Delicious.

Then again. I do this for me.