Lost Love in the A

Weeks After Ike, Gas Scarce Across South

ATLANTA (Sept. 30) - Motorists are rising before dawn so they can be at the filling station when the delivery truck arrives. Some are skipping work or telecommuting. Others are taking the extreme step — for Atlanta — of switching to public transportation.

Read more: http://www.walletpop.com/article/_a/bbdp/weeks-after-ike-gas-scarce-across-south/189937

Aug. 5, 1962: An iconic blonde meets a tragic end.

Where is Change?

During my AOL browse I came across this link to an article..

SILVER SPRINGS — Rudy Friece and his wife, Emily, married within a year of dating. It was a simple civil ceremony at a courthouse in Liberty, Ohio on Rudy's 21st birthday.

Nearly 50 years later, following two children, seven grandchildren and two great-grandchildren, the couple divorced, for no other reason than that they couldn't afford the costs of Emily's weekly $2,800 chemotherapy treatments for terminal bone cancer.

After learning from a friend that by dissolving their marriage Emily could qualify for Medicaid, the couple walked into a drugstore, picked up a guidebook on dissolutions and then marched into an Ohio courthouse in February 2005, their $75 divorce petition in hand.

"He (the judge) told us, ‘This was the first. I've never given anyone a dissolution that had been married this long,' " Rudy Friece recalled.

Medicaid, the combined state and federal program that provides health coverage for low-income individuals, sets a limit on the amount of assets a person may have before qualifying for help. The asset limit to qualify for Florida Medicaid's medically needy program is $5,000 for individuals and $6,000 for couples.

It's been easier for a single person to get help under the rules. That is, until recently. Now, as of July 1 of next year, it won't even help to go to this drastic measure because of cuts to the state budget.

The Florida Legislature plans to discontinue Medicaid payments to the medically needy, excluding pregnant women and children, and the elderly and disabled — a group that contains 40,000 individuals — effective July 1, in order to save the state nearly $700 million.

Divorce, if only on paper, was always a last resort, said Friece, a 72-year-old retired truck driver who moved to Silver Springs following his wife's death two years ago. "She would cry about it. She didn't want to do it but I told her, she had no choice. She was getting worse and worse, and finally she agreed to it," he said. "After it was done, it was done. I took care of her up until the very end."

The Frieces are part of a small but growing number of elderly or low-income couples who have felt the need to dissolve their marriage in order to qualify for government-funded health coverage for a sick spouse. An Aug. 13 New York Times article pointed out the regularity with which some couples are jumping into marriage or considering divorce so a partner can benefit from health coverage.

Read more here: http://www.ocala.com/article/20080928/NEWS/809280293/1171/WEATHER?Title=Medical_costs_force_couples_to_divorce

Familiar Strangers

Today I spoke with my estranged husband. Way to start a blog post out huh. Moving forward.

It's been awhile since I talked to him about anything, my preference. The reason being that he never asks about Andrew. He just asks about me and just because I, unfortunately, still carry his last name doesn't mean it's any of his business. Nevermind the fact that I don't trust him with any of my business. So I would avoid that. Or I would answer pertaining to Andrew, not myself. He understood what I was doing and didn't question it. He just eventually stopped calling or stopped texting. Well, today he let me know that he wants Andrew to live with him once again.

History: because he makes a helluva lot more money than I do, our court order is set out as Andrew being with his father Mon-Thurs night and I pick him up Thurs night and drop him off Sunday night. Every week. However, since he never took care of Andrew when we were living together and I had to master my 5minute shower because he had better things to do then watch his son; that's right I said watch because that's exactly what I would have to ask him to do before I showered.

"Could you watch Andrew while I take a shower?"
"How long are you going to be?"

As I was saying, because he always put his cell phone or XBox before our firstborn when the court order was made [March 18], he just let him stay with me. Every day. He occasionally visited him but never a weekend thing. Btw our court order states if he or I allow the other parent more time spent with child, it is fine. It's not a strict Mon-Thurs or Thurs-Sun.

I want Andrew to live with me always but I don't have money like he does and he will use that against me in court and show how he is more than able to take care of him-even though I've done fine as well. He's just going to show how much more he can give and how much more stable his environment is compared to mine. [Need I remind you I am the breadwinner in the family and no one else has a steady job but me].

What are my plans? Thoughts? I think it's fine that he wants to spend time with Andrew. He isn't punishing me. No threats or anything yet. Yes, the word YET is mandatory when referring to him. After all I will still be able to see him, that is, until I change the court order myself by working my ass off and show the court I can have sole custody. I've also been thinking about the Air Force.

O_O

I really want to go back to school. I am unable to go full-time AND have a job that fits my school schedule that would make enough money for a fam of five. AArrrrrgggghhhhh. I got it a helluva lot better then most. That's what I keep telling myself in hopes of making me calm down/feel better. Hasn't worked. Just makes me feel that I'm worth for so much more but there are chains holding me back and each time I think something good is coming along, another chain with industrial strength adhesive is added.

I don't know what to do. I know what to do as far as letting Andrew live with his father. I don't have much of a choice now with the court order and all but that's not an always and forever thing unless I let it be. Which I won't. Ever. But the working, school, military.. I'm just frazzled.

Speaking to God

My friend Robert gave me a ride on his bike. A black, 2001 Honda 929 RR Erion Edition. It was my first time on a bike. Very exhilarating. Felt like I was going over 100mph and when I looked @ the speedometer we were goin 37mph *serious face*

I really enjoyed myself and he was taking it easy on me cuz I told him to. The highest I think we went was 83mph lol. That's nothin' in the car but man oh man, whe all that wind is hittin' u everywhere it's somethin' else.

When we got off the bike, he asked me what I was saying cuz he couldn't hear me on the bike. I told him I wasn't talking to him.

I was speaking to God.

Losing My Touch

I feel like I'm not writing as much as I used to. My posts, used to have so much more meaning. The quality is lacking and I need to step it up because I won't accept that. I'm not sure what it is. If it's the lack of living I've been doing, the usual routine, being fed-up of a variety of things, or the nostalgia that loves to crawl over me when I least expect it.

As old as I feel [despite the actual age, cuz I'm young, stupid] I'm not as wise as I want to be. How does one acquire wisdom though? Experience?? Lessons learned, manipulated to one's benefit? If one does have wisdom, does it need to be practiced/preached daily in order for it not to rot and perish? [if u will].

"Its the questions (what..) its the questions boy
Its the questions (what? ) its the questions cmon
The questions (what? ) its the questions boy
Its the questions (hah) its the questions yeah
Talkin bout the questions, its the questions yall
Its the questions (what? ) its the questions, dig it
The questions (why? ) its the questions boy
Its the questions (huh? ) thats what its all about"

-Common/Mos Def-

Avon in Español!

I was looking at this and I said, "Wow, mom! I like this Marilyn Monroe watch!" And she said, "Oh yeah?" And I said, "Yeah it looks cool." I kept browsing the other watches. She comes out with the watch! I was surprised! Woohoooo!

The Reminiscence

We all have heard music and associated them with someone and/or something. And we all know how awesome it is when an artist puts out an album and all of the songs are good not just the "hit [first] single." Well today, I found Ne-Yo's Because Of You and let me tell you. I was very excited because I love that album. As I started listening to it I remembered when it first cae out and who I had put each song for or about. Then I remembered Tia. She recently wrote on her blog about songs and remembering something and/or someone from the past. CleverGirlGoesBlog.blogspot.com; she's awesome. She keeps your attention through her writing and never has to add a picture. And that's big to me because I'm more of a visual person. Anywho..

One of the songs still holds its place as my fav of that album and that's "Do You." I know at the time the album was released I thought of Pepe, someone very dear to me and will always be special to me. Now I think of someone else and I found that to be curious.

I got to thinking about how much I miss him and that I enjoyed our incredible conversations that lasted all summer every single night. Summer of '07 that is.

I forgot where I was going with this so I'll end it now.

:-D

Black Magic Woman playing..

Avon.. Buy online

www.youravon.com/elisabethgomez

Contact: elisabeth.avon@yahoo.com

A V O N

4th Quarter, 2008
I want the Green one.
My mom's getting the Red one.
D, you're getting the Orange one :-)

*_*

When one of my coworkers saw me, he didn't say, "Hello," or "How have you been?" He instead asked me, "Did you go out drinking last night?" I took that as I look like shit. Mind you, this is around 12pm. My brother Carlos is sick and he thinks he doesn't look well. And I, apparently, since going to work this afternoon, do too.

Conversation between my brother and I @ approximately 10pm.

Me: do I look like shit?
Carlos: do I look like shit?
Me: why do u have to answer with a question?
Carlos: *laughter* no.
Me: ok. You don't either.

[Several minutes pass; Carlos goes to the restroom to blow his nose; comes back]

Me: you lied to me. I do look like shit.
Carlos: you lied to me too. Cuz I look like shit.
Me: no u don't.
Carlos: well I lied to you.

T-Mobile G1 with Google

How about it huh?

LOL-I know there's no pic, I just thought that was funny.

Maybe you should um.. Google it ;-P

I <3 ?uestlove

And this looks good!!

*Courtesy of Davida's research

HEALTH

The Way to Save Millions of Lives Is to Prevent Smoking By Michael R. Bloomberg

Every day around the world, tragedies occur that are entirely avoidable: siblings burying siblings, spouses burying spouses, and children burying parents-all of them dying before their time. What is the leading cause of these preventable deaths? Is it tuberculosis? AIDS? Malaria? Each receives a great deal of media coverage along with hundreds of millions of dollars in funding-and rightfully so. But there is another deadly epidemix that kills more people than all three diseases combined, and until recently, it received almost no public attention: tobacco use.
Tobacco has become the world's leading cause of death. How many deaths are we talking about? Picture a college basketball arena filled to capacity. Roughly that many people-14,000-die every single day from smoking tobacco. If we do nothing, tobacco may kill 1 billion people by the end of this century.
But only if we do nothing.
In New York, we have seen how effective anti-smoking programs can be. In 2002, I signed a law prohibiting smoking in all workplaces, There was a huge outcry, but then somthing happened: people loved it. Bars and restaurants saw their businesss increase. Waitresses kissed me and told me I had saved their lives. And pretty soon, cities and states around the country-along with England, Ireland, France, Italy and other countries with high rates of smoking-began passing similar laws. Along with the smoking bam, we raised cigarette taxes in New York, ran hard-hitting public-education campaigns and provided free nicotine patches. The result? After 10 years of seeing no decline in smoking, we've cut smoking rates by 21 percent-and we've cut teen smoking by more than 50 percent. There are 300,000 fewer smokers in New York City than there were six years ago.
While tobacco use is now declining in New York and some industrialized nations, though, it is growing in countries like Russia and Indonesia. More than 80 percent of tobacco deaths in the coming decades will be in developing countries , including China and India. But in talking to philanthropists and public-health experts, I realized that public-health dollars were tied up fighting other causes of death, and almost no funding existed for fighting tobacco.
Two years ago, I decided to change that. Building on an international tobacco-control treaty, I committed $125 million to a new global effort to reduce tobacco use (since raised to $375 million). Bill and Melinda Gates have joined this effort with their own $125 million commitment. And in partnership with the World Health Organization, we have developed a strategy called MPOWER, which includes six solutions that have been proved to save lives....

I read the rest of the article in the magazine but you can read it here:
http://www.newsweek.com/id/160072

Sacred Steel

From my trip to NY, my visit to what will soon be the 9/11 Memorial is probably what touched my heart the most. And the pictures on Newsweek.com are incredibly breathtaking.

Check it.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/158218

Speaks to me.

I forgot to add that I want this book after going on that website [below]. I looked at other posts and I got a few more ideas in mind that kept me at ease. I've suddenly become overwhelmed with fond memories.

*sigh*

http://blog.wenxuecity.com/archives.php?date=200710&blogID=30268&&c_lang=big5

Remember when..

teachers used to make you write letters for [fill in what u remember].

Well Legoland received one today. And this is what it said:

To Who It May Concern:

My name is ------- ---------. I am in the third grade. first, I like the rides. The rides are superior. Next, I like the food and the drinks. The iced tea is good and the sandwiches are good too. Lastly, I like the prizes. I won a Teddy bear and was suprised.

Sincerely,
[name withheld foo!]

So.. what did you think of the letter besides the errors? My favorite line is about how SUPERIOR the rides are here. Take that, Six Flags.

Whoa Doggy.

Glass Geometrics - Fukuoka, Japan [overlooking the Sea of Japan]

I'd like to own a dog someday. I would like to own my own place with expansive ocean views and in which the architecture/design of it all "serves the traditional Japanese idea of minimizing the separation between architecture and nature." Shoei Yoh [retreat architect]

Pacific Overture

I love nature along with many other people but this concept in this Malibu home is so neat!!

Designer: Michael Taylor
Architect: John Lautner

Spinning the Senses - Rancho Santa Fe, CA

Architecural Design: Wallace E. Cunningham
"The subtle curvature of the surrounding topography is reflected in the design, which encourages constant movement from one space to another, from interior to exterior."

I've seen houses on hills, cliffs, mountains, etc,. and I've thought, man that can be dangerous and even though they look very nice and all I have said that I don't think I would own one. BUT. This house right here. Where you get a terrific view of the majestic water-whoo! It's exhilarating just looking at the picture!

Rebuilt by: Mickey Muenning [architect]
Location: Big Sur

I like the pond concept.

Designer: Craig Wright

Architect: Mark D. Kirkhart

Carmel Valley House

The CLEAN, white furniture! And that natural light entering through. Oh, and the view!

Designer: Sally Sirkin Lewis
Associate: Kenn Shaes

"It never rains in Southern California..." Ok! So this lovely place in Santa Monica, CA was designed in 1963. It is also the only residential structure built by Oscar Niemeyerin [architect] in the U.S.

Now this is beauty indeed. You know how in some scary movies people are screaming for help in residential areas and somehow no one is coming to their rescue. Or how about a serial killer who goes to a home that is MILES away from civilization? Well all that got thrown out the window for me when I saw this house surrounded by the olive orchards. I would adore this spot.

L.A. architect Marc Appleton designed this.

INFORMATION.. http://blog.wenxuecity.com/archives.php?date=200710&blogID=30268&&c_lang=big5

Fugly Face

I saw a picture of Hank Baskett and I thought he was rather good-looking. I found a different image and now he's just a'ight. Hooray for REAL images. Booo to the internet for not knowing what is real.

Random Surfin' & Thoughts

Man, do I miss surfing actual waves in Barra. I don't even know why I never picked that up over here. I should have. I still can. Well that answered that.

I was reading on Barack Obama, something I've effortlessly avoided.
His inspirations include: Martin Luther King Jr., Mohandas Gandhi, Pablo Picasso and John Coltrane. That, to me, is enough to let me know NOT that he would be a great leader but that he already IS ONE.
His favorite music also includes The Fugees :-)

And his list of favorite books are of a variety and The Bible was in there somewhere [I'm not convinced, lol].

Source: VoteSmart.org

1967 Corvette

www.overthetopautos.com

ISN'T THAT JUST. BEAUTIFUL? I'd like this.

VANITY fair

Heroes: Villains

*tear*

You. Watching Heroes. Don't give anything away please. I don't have cable n am waiting on a VHS shipment. *tear*

And.

Scene.

Shh..

I got a secret.

When this summer started I got a brand new pair of red socks from Wardrobe and when I went this morning to exchange my shorts for pants [cuz its gettin' cold on this coast!!] they said they needed my socks too. And I asked, "Why is that?" and they said, wait for it.. "We re-use them."

O_O

Ahhhhhhh! I know my socks were new cuz she took em out the plastic as I was there but daaayyyuuuuum.

Anywho no one will use my socks cuz I wore them shits out, holy moly, if you know what I mean.

Daphne Monet

Don Cheadle's first 5 minutes in Devil In A Blue Dress turned me on. And that man is usually NOT a ten but damn he sho was a BLACKJACK even with them damn gold teeth! I mean, he is soo sexy to me. Even when he was eating them damn pig tails!! And when he passed out with that toothpick in his mouth. Ooh-wee.

His performance was the one that stood out the most for me. How hilarious was he?

"He over there. You-you told me not to shoot him. That's all you told me. So I choked him. That's all. If you didn't want him dead why'd you leave him with me?"

unlearn

Just finished watching Higher Learning [took me back]

Then I seen Busta Rhymez name spelled like that [took me way back]

I forgot how small Busta Rhymez and Tyra Banks once were.

Ice Cube flashing the light at the police asking for THEIR I.D.'s [priceless]

Ice Cube's graduation picture scene was humorous.

Woman's Got Soul!

She may not be the best lookin' woman
I ever did see
Nor have the charms of the ladies
Of high society

And all the love that I have belongs
To the woman with soul

Now I'm just a regular fellow
I don't need much
I don't need a Cadillac car
Or diamonds and such
But the woman that I hold
She's got to have soul
And then I'm richer than the richest gold

Well, I don't need a woman
That's got a whole lotta class
Because class in a woman
Don't mean she's gonna last

I need the kind of woman
That when I hold she fits so tight, yeah
Oh, and when she throws it on me
I give in without a fight Then I know
The woman's got soul

Worth all money and gold
If the woman's got soul

-Curtis Mayfield-

Just Like The Blind Leading The Blind

When the chips are down
And you're blinded on your feet
You're standing up and walking
But you know you are dead meat

The sky is busting
It's near the break of day
You're running out of options
Running out of place

The leaves are cracking
Withered on the trees
Beg you darling
Won't you say a prayer for me
I need your benediction
'Cause I'm a soul in need
I can't sit down much lower
'Cause I'm on my knees

Time after time, you won't let the love in

You are the sharpest knife
You are the finest blade
You are the shining sun
Everybody's in your shade

So funny to you
Dripping honey from your tongue
But you never know what's going on

When the day is done
There is a sadness just grinding in your bones
A twisted trap down which you're forced to go
You need the hand of friendship
To steady up your heart
So hang on to me baby
I'll show you down the path

Asking me why you won't let the love in
Oh, like the blind leading the blind
Only to find your feelings are nothing, ah

Just like you'll find
It's leading to nothing
Nothing, oooh, oooh, yeah

Just like the blind leading the blind
Time after time
It's leading to nothing
Nothing, nothing, not a thing
Leading the blind
After the wine, the tears
They are gushing, gushing, gushing

-Mick Jagger & Dave Stewart-

Oh, dear.

I can't believe I'm about to offend a lot of people.

Yes. I actually can. Cuz I don't care about people. I care about God's judgement. And since we can't help but to sin.. Here goes.

A great friend informed me of that accident Travis and DJ AM survived. So I commenced to Googling the incident to learn more of it. Came across pictures of the plane or lack thereof now as well as information regarding the injuries of said survivors. I read that Travis' extensive burns were from the waist down and DJ AM's was mostly the face.

Anybody see where I'm going with this?

I started to think, "What were they doing before the plane burst into flames?"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I thought DJ AM was maybe sucking Travis' dick. I'm just being honest. No need in getting angry. That's just what the devil wants ;-)

In all seriousness I will continue to pray for Travis, his friends, family, DJ AM, his friends and family, and those who did die, my condolences to their friends and family.

Tahitian Dress..

I forgot to take better pics, this is the 2nd time I wear this too grrr. I'll wear it again next week or somethin' and hope I remember to take more pics. Avon baby!

Buy Online!

www.youravon.com/elisabethgomez

'04 !!

Damn, 5 years ago I was all hyped about my class and whatnot. Seems lightyears from now.

Chipotle's/McDonald's

"See, they're McDonald's, we're McDowell's. They got the Big Mac, we got the Big Mic."

Ever since Chipotle's opened I've always gotten the Steak Burrito, with rice, black beans, sour cream, mild salsa, and guacamole. Yesterday I tried the soft tacos which I thought at one point were 4 now they're 3. Hm. Anywho. The soft tacos were bomb diggity. Yes I said it. Tonight ima try the hard tacos. I betta not b disappointed.

The babies will have McDonald's because they both have tried Chipotle's and I couldn't get Andrew to stop saying, "Hot," for a good hour or so.

Truth or Dare.

Remember that game? Playing with your peers being extra giggly waiting your turn to choose.

Anyway. I don't know what to do with my life. There I said it. I have a FEW wants. But sadly those wants have a price and it's slowly having an effect on me. It's gradual agonizing pain inside me. Whenever I'm cleaning, which is often, I think a lot about everyone and everything in the world. And how it affects me. It usually ends with those closest to me, not on a trust issue, I mean who I see, who I live with. And they can be so careless most times. I FEEL like I can't possibly have anymore strength to work and care FOR them. I'm the only one who actually works in the household, so it's a bi-weekly check. Then there's my brother who gets a $200 allowance and when I mention him getting a job he flips out. It's like damn son practice pride and vanity but u can't actually earn your money? What's the extra money on the side for? It would ACTUALLY be EXTRA money. Not like how we're all livin' now. Where at the end of the month we're barely making it. Everything's paid for, food [enough for the babies, always (note: no mention of the adults' eating habits, if any)], but then what about things we would like to have. I mean, is that called selfish? Is that called being ungrateful? I am incredibly thankful everytime a past due bill has been paid completely and I don't have to worry about it until next month. Or so I think. As soon as it's paid, I take a minute to thank God. I mean, damn Jen! You're more fortunate than hell'a others! Then the next few minutes are, well I can't go grocery shopping, do we have milk at the house? Do we have quarters for laundry? Then it comes. The stress. And it's ever so consistent, the stress. I FEEL 37. Not 22. Like my shoulders can only carry so much. And why on Earth am I still caring about those closest to me? When all they do is eat the food I buy, use the quarters I get for themselves w/o thinking, "hm, who got these? Maybe she needs em." Nah. When all they do is ask me when am I going to sign a contract for the cable when we can BARELY MAKE ENDS MEET ON THE SHIT WE ALREADY HAVE. It's fuckin' unbelievable. Sometimes I'M the one teaching my mother lessons. I shouldn't have to do that. Who the FUCK is there for me? I NEED SOMEONE. To save me. Man that was so hard to admit. I'm strong, yes. But here's the thing. If I stop, there's nothing else. No one else. It's just them saying there's no money and we all need money. I don't NEED money. I NEED help. Help me with the bills. Help me with the lack of communication between us. Help me open up to you. Help me have a relationship with you and not just converse with you when it's that time of the month again to sign a check. I'm left with nothing. Every two weeks I'm left with nothing. It'd be nice to have company, to have someone that is going to talk with me about anything. And understand me. Not just be there because they need something. I can help you. I do help you. If I'm tired, if I have something important going on, guess what? I'M YOURS. You got my time.

Damn! I needed to type this. Cuz I just got my answer.
DEEP BREATH.

ONLY 100 Calories?!

Couldn't believe they sold this shit. I ate a bag to see if it tasted any diff not cuz of the calories; don't get it twisted, I don't need nor want to worry about stuff like that. Anyway, It doesn't taste any different. I used to think they [manufacturers] put that stuff on there just to sell to the fatties who wanna lose weight but can't give everything up but really it's just a lie and is the regular bag.

I quit.

I haven't heard about anyone quitting their jobs.

Hm.

Just like old times..

Just snapping' away w/o any worries :-)

Soulful Jenn & Jose Alberto

Are You In That Mood Yet?

A compilation of Joe Budden lyrics of what I've been feeling throughout the day. Nope, too much on my mind to think for myself, so fuck you and you. Yes, you too.

- - - - - www.sing365.com - - - - -

Joeeeyyyy....

..
They don't leave me no options
..
But he don't know that there's always problems, it only gets worse
..
Soon as I feel good you retards remind me
..
Some days I wanna relapse on redline
..
I try to maintain through all this
..
My pockets flat kid
You do the math on $5.15 an hour full time after taxes
..
Some days I don't wanna be seen
And some days I don't shower, I don't wanna be clean
Look, sometimes the truth could hurt you
..
Some days I'm not invincible and I feel the pressure
Like if everyone's dependin' on me, and I just stop
Then what the fuck happens?
..
Don't appreciate a man and you lose him
Worst thing to do to an innocent man is accuse him
..
Just let go and let God see if we reunite
..
Nah, fuck it I wont fall
..
But listen, I'm fucked up now
Don't ask why y'all
Sometimes the best medicine is just to cry y'all
Know what I'm sayin?
..
Cuz it's these type of thoughts that'll kill ya
..
And I wont front like I ain't stressin'
Sometimes I need a hug, real shit, pain shit is pain lesson
..
Some days I don't wanna be bothered
..
Just give me 10 minutes
I just need 10 minutes alone
To not deal with a thing, to not answer my phone
..
Give me 10 minutes
Without y'all comin' at me with that bull
Sometimes that's all it takes to ruin my last pull
And right now, that's what got the kid at peace

*****
..
Look, I don't give a fuck again
..
Everything I seen is so unfair, So unclear,
Tryin' reach out, no ones there,
..
Bills pilin' up with out cash, tryin' to maintain and out last,
Pray for me, keep tellin' niggas patiently, wait for me,
..
I'm just a few pennies from debt,
I got no identity left, victim of Identity Theft.
Our problems are never new,
It's revenue,
Keep blamin' them it's never you,
..
Pray.
..
4 Walls, 4 Walls
They surround me
Loneliness
Has found me
..
Look, Look, I'm tryin' to keep it formal now,
But the pressures on him now,
I'll go ahead and warn you now,
I'm tryin' to come across as normal now,
All my life I've been called insane,
looked at as if I'm strange,
Can't tame em, can't blame em, for lookin at me as if I can't change,
With that said still I'ma rise,
Though I keep it still in lies,
Good ahead reveal your disguise,
Maybe that'll kill the surprise,
Sometimes I feel deprived,
Started when the guilt arrived

*****

Maybe I'm exhausted, maybe I just lost it
..
Same ol' story, guts an' no glory
..
It's dudes wit' problems I couldn't imagine havin'
If I had to have 'em I couldn't fathom me lastin'.
..
Sometimes the simplest of things people needed
..
I picked a real bad time to be strategic.
I think my life's bad pickin' up the pieces
Some folk already got they appointment to see Jesus!
In this World full of diseases
I've learnt' not to bite my tongue or have seizures.
Depression tells me I suck
So I reply, "I ain't here 'cause I fell down, I'm here 'cause I got
up."
..
In my past though been to jail, I ain't enjoy it
..
I ain't ignit, just 'cause I exercise spiritually
..
2008 foes is still near me
So you can think I'm tired as fuck, I'm still weary.
..
Certain wounds only heal over time (over time).
No shame in my game, no pain, no gain
An' since I ain't seen a Prophet I figured God'll stop it
..
I'm still a risk taker let me put it in words
..
But can't grab at it my pride is bein' strangled.
..
Anybody out there relate to my pain?
..
Let's live for now, right now none of that matters.
..
Past is a disaster, when ya house is see-through
Learn to close your eyes incase the glass shatters.
Jus' sayin', there's always a million more pages
When my stupid ass keep thinkin' I'm on the last chapter.
..
Wanna call it quits, but a nigga can't picture that.

*****

I needed someone to blame in my mind
..
And so I hit you hard when you threw in advice
Like what I want to talk to you about you ruined my life
..
The reason I'm kinda different, don't think like normal people, not
calm
..
(Use to pray that I would) Baby just calm down...
You gotta hold your head up cause we gone make it
..
(You got to understand what I was going through)
..
Everything's gonna be alright
..
Listen... ain't shit like seeing your moms crying on the floor
Knowing you the reason why she ain't alright no more
But so young, I was like whatever
..
I'm not surprised that you mad at me
Much as you hated my father, your youngest son is just like his daddy
Mommy I live life rude, how could you not understand it
On the same note I'm just like you
..
Was sick of being sick, I was finally hurt
..
It's a slow process y'all
One day at a time though... to get beautiful

*****

Whatever we had goin' it sure ain't anymore
Where there used to laughter now there's only pain
..
On one hand u gave me such a beautiful seed
On the other hand he's used as a weapon
Y things have to change
For the worse
Scratch that
They really changed after birth
I guess u got what u wanted
..
We ain't gotta hate each other
I tried to make it work
I wanted a family
..
Look the lust was gone
The trust was gone
Come to grips with the thought of us is gone

*****

I'm somewhere between the real and the fakeness
..
And I can't take this
..
Maybe I'm buggin' out, maybe I'm on a spaceship
See I was on my stay out chill shit
..
Don't ask me how I'm doin', I been better
..
Niggaz don't even THINK like me
..
I dare niggaz categorize me

*****

I'm at a level most niggas couldn't see past.
..
Some say, "sky's the limit" still I'm tryin' to reach higher,
..
I'm a 80's baby with a 60's mind state -
..
Minority report, I'm ahead of your mind, niggas.
..
Fuck what the world's come to,
Where the fuck's it going?
..
I been on my grind, chasin' dollars.
In the fall or the summer-
The streets is pullin' me under-
And I ain't gettin' no younger.

*****

Friends came, friends left
Bullshit is endless, been next
..
Maybe just my love died
..
I cried 'till I can't cry no more
Believe my own nonsense, I can't lie no more
Soul dead, breathless; I can't sigh no more
..
I guess I... pack-up all of my belongings and just troop it
..
I feel like life is all written, understand my math
Got on my knees, told God I had a plan, He laughed.
I mean... hours passed, no sleep, cowards get a slow leak
Showered twice the whole week, powerless control freak.
Thinkin' about suicide, won't though I'm scrutinized
..
Phone calls, death threats, tell me what's the next step.
What's what, who's who, paranoid as usual
Grippin' on my deuce-deuce, either way a lose-lose.
..
I don't follow the path, I'm creatin' my own ta' leave a trail.
..
No more food for thought, shit deceasin' the mind
Now they doubtin' my desire, second guessin' my fashion
Like bringin' of weapons of mass in when you question my passion.
..
A nigga much deeper than what'chu see on the surface.
..
Finally understandin' what the gift an' the curse is.

*****

When I'm alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall
..
I'm vacationin' on a beach wit' no sand (and...)
Try'nna check the time on a clock wit' no hands (what else?)
Feel like I'm gettin' close, but I'm nowhere near it
I touch it but don't feel, listen but don't hear it.
Starin' out a project window under mad stresses
Me and my mental got two different addresses.
..
If you don't understand, fine
..
If they gonna set'chu up to lose, why try ta' win?
..
I'd rather put me before y'all
I know niggas might call it "self-centered" -
I call that bein' smart.
..
Amazed after all these years, I still care. It's weird...
..
Can anybody out there hear me?
I feel like my voice is lost
..
But with everything I am, I still find a way to stand an' keep movin'
While I'm here so strong and still... like I'm invisible.

EeeeeeLOtessssss!

"Save me some of that corn!
Save me some of that corn for later!!"

When I was a child, we'd get a guy that sold corn from a shopping cart to stop bythe house like on a weekly basis; my memory is a bit fuzzy.

My dad n I would run out and holla @ dude. He'd take the steamy corn, on the cob styles, and used what looked like a paintbrush to spread the mayo all over that piece, then sprinkle it w/some of that Cotija cheese [whatchu kno bout dat Mexican cheese?!], then butter that bitch up [liquid butter], then lemon & salt. Shit that's the way I ate it. Others can take out or add other options such as chile. Anywho, I would love it if I had one soon. It'd be a lovely Christmas present.

Random

Remember in middle school when the sluts with double A cup size would wear "spaghetti strap" shirts?

LMAO.

I am a concerned American.

*Concerned American by Ellen Bailey

America, I am becoming concerned about you
You have taken the prayer out of our schools

A silent prayer never hurt anyone
But now you insist there be none
We can destroy our flag; the red, white and blue
But we are not allowed to carry a Bible to school

You allow profane music with destructive lyrics
But at the mention of God's name, you go ballistic

You insist we teach our kids about sex education
But withhold from them the "Book of Revelations."

You expound on the many virtues of diversity
But avoid the one good book that teaches charity

You are re-writing our history for posterity
Paying homage to a lot of secular deities
But in your new book there cannot be found
Any mention of the "Sermon on the Mount."

We are "One nation under God", you say
But you do not want this to be displayed
"In God We Trust" to you has become dated
And your belief in the Bible has become jaded

I BELIEVE THIS great NATION IS GOING ASTRAY;
That WE ARE ON A ROAD GOING THE WRONG WAY
I hope you will change your sense of direction
And return to our Founding Fathers' conceptions

*SHE STILL STANDS by Martin Connors from Philadelphia, PA

From her island sanctuary
She stood glorious in the sun,
As clouds billowed softly by,
I saw Liberty; her torch raised to the sky
From the sky flew the demons from the east,
By blade, capturing the wings of the eagle's flight,
Four riders stormed down delivering death,
Laying siege on her fortress of democracy
The towers destroyed and the keep damaged,
Countless souls delivered into God's hand,
The devil's seed had been sowed
An unholy bounty reaped
Fire, soot, and ash rained down to the street below,
Onto The Knights of Saint Michael and Saint Florian,
Burying those who try to save
Life pushed to the limit never thought to be undone

From her island sanctuary she stood immobile,
As clouds of smoke, ash, and soot billowed
Devastation recognized and dealt
I saw that Liberty still stood

Her sons shall raise their swords
To vanquish the evil back into the night
Her torch shall never grow dim
It will always be raised to the sky

*I HOLD IN MY HAND... by Sierrah from Irving, Texas

I hold in my hand a world of anger and fear.
Never knowing what to expect.
Never knowing what is near.
I hold in my mind the images of war.
Something so near,
that we expect to be far.

I HOLD IN MY HEART ANGER AND PAIN.
INNOCENT LIVES LOST,
WITH EVIL TO BLAME.

I HOLD IN MY SOUL PRAYERS for ALL THE PEOPLE,
We will all come together to conquer the evil.

We hold in our hands a promise for tomorrow,
to create a world without any sorrow.

We hold in our minds the future of our lives
with all it's twists and turns.

FROM ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED,
we can ONLY LEARN.

We HOLD IN OUR HEARTS THE NEED TO STAND TOGETHER.
The HOPE that THIS TOGETHERNESS WILL LAST FOREVER.

We hold in our souls the need to feel safe.
IF WE DO WHAT IS RIGHT AND FOLLOW OUR HEARTS,
THE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE!

*[untitled] by Dallas from Townsville, AZ

We all turned on our TV sets.
We all held our breath.
We all saw four airplanes crash,
as many met their death.

We all were scared and shocked and sad.
We all hoped it was a dream.
We all cried the tears of grief,
at something so extreme.

My friends were all strong and brave.
My friends helped me through.
MY FRIENDs WERE THERE WHEN I CRIED,
when no one else would do.

MY FRIENDs HUGGED ME AND HELD MY HAND.
My friends were always near.
My friends helped me though that day,
and wiped my every tear.

OUR NATION WAS ATTACKED THAT DAY.
OUR NATION COULD NOT REST.
Our nation tried to keep its cool,
and we all did our best.

Our nation has recovered SOME.
Our nation will still run.
Our nation is even stronger now,
as "America" is sung.

I will stand strong and proud.
I will help my land.
I WILL CARE AND LISTEN AND HOPE
and LEND A HELPING HAND.

I will support my country dear.
I WILL REMEMBER THAT DAY.
I will be brave and strong and proud.
I live in the U.S.A.

*PATRIOTISM by Scott R. Jones from Benton, MS

 By the dawn's early light our flag was still there
MY EMOTIONS STIR AS THOSE WORDS HIT THE AIR
I REFLECT ON THE FREEDOM WE ENJOY TODAY
And pray that it will never be taken away

 Brave soldiers died through the years
In wars and battles that brought many tears
dough boys fought in those lowly trenches
drenched in blood as they crawled through the mud

 The bombers flew so very high
as the flack from below pierced the sky
soldiers stormed on foreign beaches
and jungles devoured our soldiers with leaches

 The oceans of the world entomb our men
in watery graves where they fought to the end
from Pearl they sailed to the sea of Japan
MAY GOD HAVE MERCY UPON THIS LAND

 Brave men and women laid down their hearts
and gave their best as they did their part
our freedom is recorded with the blood of man
FROM COAST TO COAST YOU SHOULD LOVE THIS LAND

 PATRIOTISM SHOULD BE A PART OF OUR LIFE
but SOME CHOOSE to DEMONSTRATE and SHOW their strife
SO MANY HAVE FORGOTTEN THE REASON WHY
SO MANY DON'T CARE AND IT MAKES ME CRY

 OUR FREEDOM was CHALLENGED on nine-one-one
some thought it couldn't happen, but it was done
so when you see that flag flying high
NEVER FORGET THE REASON WHY

 ©January 31, 2002

*www.EllenBailey.com

Also, check this CNN article out:
http://archives.cnn.com/2001/US/09/11/chronology.attack/index.html

Maybe it's just me but..

This is really cool!

George Lopez

So my mom and I think George Lopez is a hilarious stand-up comedian. His show, wasn't a big hit with me but that didn't take away from me laughin, cryin at the stuff he says.

My mom & I are going to see him in December in LA.

That should be phenomenal. We were going to go this Friday to his performance over at Pechanga but bleh. I can hear George sayin, "Then don't go," now, lol.

Mm!

So I was laying down, resting my eyes when my dude Brooklyn called me and we had a great conversation. Just like old times. A good conversation always takes away from my love of sleep n doesn't get me cranky.

Among many things, we discussed a few movies. I mentioned how I thought Cloverfield didn't suck as bad as everyone I read or talked to had said. I felt like I had to see it, just to see if they were right. Well they weren't. But I must say. If it was Chicago I woulda let the people win cuz only reason I wanted to watch that madness of a movie was cuz it took place in New York. And damn, Brooklyn, u already know. I think I woulda loved ya house shake that morning due to the construction outside ya place lol.

Anywho I was peepin' these lyrics that I'm feelin' as I let my eyes rest.

"Get Along With You"

Don't need no paper
Don't need no pencils
Don't need no love letters
Cause I just wanna get along with you

No beeper, don't need no cellular
Though Digital's better, listen
I just wanna get along with you

Try me cause I'd be
The one that makes you happy
But the part that I don't get is
Why me? You deny me
Now I'm forced to roam this planet
Sadly, lonely like some used briget

Was it I loved you poorly?
Whatever it was, I just wanna get along with you

Don't need no car
Don't need no truck
Don't need no vehicles
Cause I just wanna get along with you

Don't need no planes
Don't need no trains
Don't need to be passenger
Cause I just wanna get along with you

Don't need these clothes
Don't need this house
Don't need this land or skies
Cause I just wanna get along with you

These eyes, don't need these thighs
As a matter of fact this damn life
Cause I just wanna get along with you

What was wrong with my love?

From ashes to dust, I just wanna get along with you

Dear diary
I remember like it was yesterday
It was October 30
I no longer have any need for these worldly things
I wanna go where he is
I'll follow the fire in the sky
And like that I'll be gone

You took my heartbeat from me
This is the saddest story
You took my heartbeat from me
Should have just stabbed it for me

Sore Legs; Tiredy..

Well! Last night sure was fun. In different ways this time. Usually I enjoy myself because there's good music and good company. This time I met someone new. We were vibin'. Good conversation and a great personality.

Only I danced so much that my legs/thighs hurt this morning [just a little sore; lack of exercise :-\] AND I may or may not have fallen asleep for 1.3 seconds already. Ooops!

Divorce.

That's one thing. In ALL my life I've never wanted something more then I do this one thing. Like I'll be happier then the day I gave these vows. I'm never getting married again. I don't believe in it. I know of those who stayed married until death to them part, it doesn't make me believe. I've gone through more downs then MANY 40+ yrs marriages. I KNOW this. A husband doesn't manipulate u. A husband doesn't lie to u and then tell u he's lied about countless things AFTER ur carrying his child. A husband doesn't scheme and frame you and have u arrested. A husband doesn't use you, doesn't abuse you.

I KNOW what it's like to be in love, to be happy, to think man I got it good. To share something phenomenal only to have it taken from you forcefully WITH PLEASURE.

I want this. Just this. One thing.

My Real Father.

I've never seen him in person. And for the first time in my 22 years, I finally get to see what he looks like. He's standing tall, far right.

I pray, one day, I get to spend time with him. I would LOVE to meet and talk with him.

Been A While..

Since I took the train somewhere. I see now they have officers with eapons patrolling the track. Suicides over in Oceanside all through San Diego and LA are no joke. I was just thinking. Is it really weakness when someone takes their own life? Or hell'a strong. I mean I could never, I mean neva, murder anyone. Couldn't murder myself at all. I mean yeah it is just jumpinL or stepping out in front of a train, but The Will of that person. Sheesh. Idk I'm just vibin'.

Peace.

Handicapped Access Pass

Legoland. There's a slip. For those handicapped. They put down the number of people in their party and they can go through the exit. If it's just the handicapped person and their caregiver or whatever u want to call them they can just go right on but if its like a party of 4, 5, or 6 [shouts to my son], then we give them a time to come back which is usually a half hour from the time they came. Once that time is written down, they must come within that hr to that ride not 3 hours later. Also, there is one time per ride at a time. Not 2. Not 3.

IT REALLY SUCKS WHEN PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS. And lie about it.

There was a lady today at Legoland that came up the exit with THREE different times on my ride. The initials from the person that "wrote the times down" was "FW." All day, there was no one with those initials. Hmm? So I ask/tell her, "Who signed this? Because there's no one here wth those initials." She then says, "Oh. It doesn't matter. We are going to leave after this." I just look at her. I looked back at that damn Access Pass and there's sooo many other times for different rides scratched out AND written on.

The limit is 4.
One time.
Per ride.

Then she says, "I wouldn't lie. I I I wouldn't do or say anything I wasn't supposed to."

I just looked at her.

The Revolution is Here.

I wonder if I'm the only one constantly bettering myself or searching for ways to be happy.

I shouldn't wonder because I KNOW I'm not.

I feel like dancing. I'm so free when I dance. And they all watch me. Can't deny it; I love their eyes. But I don't do it for them, I do it for me. Because of how I feel.

That's one thing I never lost of myself. My movement.

For some people, they can't figure out the demons in their life. I'm blessed to know mine. And last night I confronted the leader of them all. Let me tell you: it felt goooooood to get it all out there. I was fearless. I felt so strong and weak at the same time. Because I was making myself think back to the past in which I suffered the most.

I was HEARD. And that's all that matters.